Hey man that's my bag

'What did you say to him?!' I asked my best mate Kina?  'nothing' came the very calm reply. 'Well he's pouring his heart out  on the phone!' I said, looking at her.  She very calmly tapped the ash of her cig and gave me that famous shrug that her entire family use.  Sigh, and he's still on the phone as I'm quizzing her.

I hang up and look at Kina, who's giving me that enigmatic smile, 'Tell me' I say to her.  'No, I can't I promised him.' she says to me.  'Look, who's best friend are you, .. tell me!'  She smiles at me and says ' you haven't touched your drink mate, c'mon chin chin' . Diversion tactics, so I let it go.

I had come over to catch up with Kina to tell her all about me little misadventures while she was living la Vida loca in Phuket with her man for the week, some people just have to have a good life eh.  First thing she says is 'don't I look black? I've been sunbathing every day'  .. sigh, 'no you don't Kina, unlike Kira who looked like a dark choc mousse when she came back from Bali, you look very brown'  She wrinkles her nose at me.

I had a particularly horrid week, my bag had been stolen, and my cough was still giving me grief, it's like the cough said, 'oi, you, we're here squatting in yer lungs, and we ain't budging.. so nah'.  Apart from having to deal with security, from the mall that I was in when the bag was taken, I also had to deal with the po po aka police.  Which is always a walk through the tulips, not. James daughter was with me at the time, and she was flabbergasted at the relentless inquisition of my race, nationality, parentage, lineage, looks.... I looked at Mel and said, 'it's ok, don't get wound up, it's normal, every single government body does this to me, I have to grin and bear it to get through it all , otherwise I'd be the one incarcerated !   Tell me what has my name and the way I look got anything to do with a police report on the theft of my bag?  Does it make a difference to how they prioritise it?  Can you just imagine the scene? '

Chief Officer - Ello ello, and what seems to be the problem Sargent?'  

Sargent -  'lady had her bag stolen sir

C.O. - 'Fair enough, fair enough, and what is the lady's name in question and what does she look like?'

Sargent - ' Well that's the whole point sir, not a normal name , so one would presume of another race, than the one that is normal in this part of the world, and due to that and to the distinct difference in colour and facial features, I'd say she's definitely of mixed origins and not, one of us sir.'

C.O. - 'aaaahhhh we have ourselves a hybrid then do we Sargent, well then how long did you keep her at the station for questioning?'

Sargent - 'for as long as I possibly could sir, and until I got her to explain her lineage and name'

C.O. - 'well done Sargent, good bit of detective work... and what did she come in for?....'

Geezzz, anyway, I finally got back to the mall, and had to be taken home by James to get my spare set of keys as my car keys were in my bag along with my house keys.  Can you imagine what a pain in the A.. all this was ???  Imagine watching paint dry... or better still going down to the police station. .... HAH!

James takes me home and keeps going on about how he needs his passport to go to my neck of the woods, really, people have no idea!  Anyhow, after terrorising my household, James brings me back to the mall or should I say to the scene of the crime, ooo bit CSI'ish eh, and then insists on me having a stiff drink (oi oi, hang on with those trashy thoughts) so he plies me with whiskey water, as that is what he thinks I should be drinking under the circumstances...and eventually after a few... well a lot.. he says I can go home and think evil thoughts on the b.....ds who stole my bag.

Needless to say DC called several times during the day, but I had had enough and really didn't want to talk to anyone,  I think sulking is a solitary hobby, which should be done in the comfort of one's home without any interruptions thank you. 

The next day I get a phone call from the po po, some good Samaritan found the stuff from my bag on the side of a road and brought it in.  The police officer in charge is trying to be funny with me.. literally. I asked him if he had called me in to the station and he said "no' with a very straight face, and when he saw how stricken I looked, he smiled and said he was just kidding and yes he had called and handed me over a plastic bag which was filled with the contents of my stolen bag, needless to say my wallet and the actual bag were gone, but everything else was there. Thank goodness for little mercies! So I overlook the police officer's strange attempt at humour and bugger off right quick

Sometimes human beings aren't half bad...Dx