Down the Rabbit Hole Pt 2

I hear voices, nurses talking, some groaning, beeping... the night has not gone peacefully, Morpheus deserted me completely, the cad!  Eventually I'm wheeled to the 4th floor which is the Respiratory Unit of the Hospital.

They wheel my bed into a twin sharing room, and tell me to settle in as the nurses will come to do the rounds and the Respiratory Team will have a chat with me.  So I look around me and I'm sharing the room with another lady, who's also had a bit of surprise as she was actually on holiday when this happened to her, her family are visiting so I draw my curtains and get all my gizmo's out and settle in. I then ask the nurse if there is any breakfast as I haven't eaten at all since yesterday, so she finds me a sandwich first.(good ol sanies eh...)   I've informed my buddy Annie where I am as she wings in with a Latte .. bless bless bless. and my daughter the heavenly child will pop by with my son Boney M after work/school.  Ok we're set.

Coffeeeeeeeeee (or cofe fe ??) 

Annie is looking at me, I've known this woman since we were kids in school in Hong Kong, I can feel the wheels of her mind cranking up.  "Daph" she starts - this has been a shitty week for you" , I hold up my hand and say " It is what it is, and we'll deal with yah?"  "absolutely lovely, I'm here for you, I will do what ever I can to help".   Done.
 The nursing team comes in, introduces them selves, writes their names on to board so I know who's on call, and show me how to buzz them.  They are a lively, chirpy happy bunch, with easy smiles and a shoulder when you need a cry (and believe me I cried plenty).   A while later the head of Radiology and her little cutie pie intern comes in, obliviously I'm not a hospital regular so now days  there were no more doctors gowns with stethoscopes hanging from their chests and intense I know it all faces.  More like laid back clever people , dressed as hip as today's trends would allow with a very sympathetic attitude and  a lot of empathy for the patient.  

I didn't actually have their pics, they'd be mortified!!! 

The chat started with "Dx so you have been told that we need to do more tests on you, we suspect it could be Lymphoma, we need to do a biopsy and take tissue samples out via the CT scan imaging, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?" .. "yeah when can I leave?" .. No? ok so what is Lymphoma.?  It is a type of blood cancer that begins in the lympathic system.  Everyday our bodies carry stem cells and cells to all parts, cancer cells replicate and die, however if one of the cells becomes infected  they undergo a cancerous change, and multiply in an uncontrolled way, these  lymphoma cells, form collections of cancer cells called tumours, in lymph nodes and other parts of the body, hence the mass on my lung.  Ahhh . (not so light bulb moment) 

Annie's mind I can see is already gong into overdrive, and she's shooting questions out, the Doctors won't give her any more speculation, it is all suspected for the moment and they can only find out more after the biopsy.  Oh yes the biopsy... do tell..  "Oh don't worry Dx you'll have lots of local anaesthetic so not much discomfort".  "Oh I shall be awake for this one then shall I... lovely, can't wait.. bring it on."
Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, I was not supposed to have eaten anything as they scheduled the biopsy that day so since I had,  they rescheduled for the next day.  (suspense much)  I did however mange to explore the food courts in the Hospital..  and got my kids to sneak me in my fav pack of salt and vinegar chips for possible snack time as I believe this is the case worldwide,   Hospital Food SUCKS a big one.   

Yea, breakfast for champions...

The next morning, the nurses come to to the shift change and they all look at me and say NIL by mouth!  OK OK I get it, do not feed the animal in bed 26, geezzz.
To say I wasn't shitting bricks sideways  regarding the biopsy would be an understatement, the nurses brought more gowns in for me and an antiseptic wash for my shower,  they then wheeled me down to radiology, (hey I've been here before!)  The orderlies are so funny, mine said "Hi, I'm Steve and I'll be your uber ride for the day.!".. uh huh!.  They ask if you need a blanket, if you want socks .... who trains these people.. they're great! 

Eventually I get wheeled into the CT scan room, so what's going to happen is they will use the CT scan imagining to get the perfect spot to go in from my front , avoiding ribs etc to lessen pain.  The Nurses get me on the gurney for the CT scan and make me wear the gown opening up the front.  It is protocol to ask my full name and birth day every time they do anything.  They then send me into the dough nut several times, stopping above my ribs and neck , they bring me back out.  The Doctor who is a lovely lady comes in and introduces her self, she says she met me yesterday and that she'd try to minimise the discomfort.    First they had to wash the area and prep it, which was on my left breast.. oh yeah well that mammary was about to have another memory! ha ha..  Then the dressing sheet, more in and out of the CT scan, monitors winging left to right and she said "ok I'm going to administer your anesthetic, I'll try to go as easy as I can" ,  'wokay" me thinks.  I ask her to just keep talking to me and explaining what she's doing as it made it easier for my racing brain to cope with the over imaginative thoughts.  As she was sinking the very long needle into my chest, I did to my inner warrior goddess shame, the "pain noises" , and  you know what, the Doc, apologised to me,  "I'm sorry Dx it won't be much longer we've gone through one layer I need to get to the lung now so you won't feel anything,"  "Urngghhh" yeah oook, but that .. hurts" .   "Just a bit more I'm sorry, tell me about your kids, where are you from , you have a very distinctive accent" ... And finally the needle was done and she managed to mark a spot.  I heard a clank and asked her what she was doing, "oh I made a small incision to insert a tube in, oh right, felt like some tapping on my muscles.
" I'm gong to send you in through the CT scan again as I want to make sure I've got it just right ".  Oh sure,  So when I come out of the CT scan I ask her how many samples she'll be taking, she says about 2 to 4, the more we can get the better.  I look down and I see all manner of steel things sticking out of my chest.. oh hey.   Then she says "Dx I'm going to use this  to take a sample, it makes a clicking noise when I press it like this" (it looks like for lack of a better word a mini pooper scooper... SERIOUSLY!!), it clicks and she blinks her eyes, riggghhtt.  I'm just going to watch her because I'm not in the land of pain anymore, I'm now fascinated at how doc's going to get all my tissue sample.   So she goes in the first time and "click" blinks her eyes and looks at me, OK.. yep, second one does the same,  so I ask how many more bits of my lung are you taking Doc?  and wouldn't you know it, behind me is also another Doctor , the voice says "ve vill need as many as ve can get now, so ve vill not haf to go back inside and do another biopsy, it's safer as well madam and ve can do our testing faster"... right right... I"m trying not to giggle, my sense of humour just has no timing at all.
Four samples later, they CT scan me again before they pull everything out so they get the angle right, and all I get is a transparent dressing the size of an Orange along my inner to outer breast ...(not a fair exchange... a glass of bubbly would have been appreciated) 
The Doc says "good luck Dx, we'll try to do as much as we can but its a long weekend here so the tests will only be in on Tuesday next week,"  "Thanks Doc, I mean it, you've been so good to me."
The nurses come in and say "don't move, we'll move ya!"  They slide me onto my bed and wheel me to my room. 
Annie is there waiting with a coffee, that I can't drink as I have to lie flat for the next 2 hours and so she improvises with a straw... that woman is magic.  So she wants all the deets, once she hears the results wont be in till Tuesday, she's already asking if I can be discharged tomorrow so I wont' have to be twiddling my thumbs in hospital.  We'll ask the doctor!  Kids come to visit and bring me a meal, and change of clothes (like i need it now)

Staking out the joint to see if it's safe from Doctors! 

Now all this time the nurses always ask me if I'm allergic to anything, I"m like "uh not that I know of", that evening I actually have a shot that has to be administered by the nurse.  "What is it?" I say, it's Clexane stops unwanted blood clots from forming, right e o.  So she needles me in the belly, "ouch that stings " I say, "yeah it will for a bit" says night nurse.  Okk.  10 minutes later ... Ur nurse , it's still stinging.. "hmnnn let me see do you have a rash , no, ok lets give a bit of time."   20 mins later... "nurse I dont' feel so good".. " Ok let me come back from my round and check on you" .  30 mins later my mouth is tingling and my tongue starts to swell,  she looks at me and says yup your tongue is swelling, I go get the doctor.  In five minutes it's like Grey's anatomy, I have one emergency doctor, one doctor on call , one attending doctor , nurses and all asking me to stick my tongue out , 'yes it's swollen" can you breathe' yes' lips still tingling yes... and then GET THIS, (oh sods law I hate yee)  OF ALL THE TIMES, when finally the "Mc Dreamy" of doctors is before me, he has to attend to me.  He needs to get my heart rate via the ol stethoscope, so he discreetly pushes it under my gown that is of course now bound in the front and because it has not been tied due to the biopsy... yes the left flap drops open and everyone has a view of a twin peak... , he mutters an apology and quickly pulls it back.  Stands next to me and asks more questions, the last one being "so how do you feel now.?".. I look at him and say, "well what do you think after having to stick my tongue out at more than 5 strangers in a a room and having no idea if this is an allergic reaction " ... "right, understood".... My brain flips me the bird and says "smashed that one D"
Eventually every one disperses, but they leave the defib next to my bed just in case.  I fall asleep in a wave of mortification, irritation, and dying to take  good swipe at Murphy's law.... don't think I'll see McDreamy again ....

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