Down the Rabbit Hole Pt 2

I hear voices, nurses talking, some groaning, beeping... the night has not gone peacefully, Morpheus deserted me completely, the cad!  Eventually I'm wheeled to the 4th floor which is the Respiratory Unit of the Hospital.

They wheel my bed into a twin sharing room, and tell me to settle in as the nurses will come to do the rounds and the Respiratory Team will have a chat with me.  So I look around me and I'm sharing the room with another lady, who's also had a bit of surprise as she was actually on holiday when this happened to her, her family are visiting so I draw my curtains and get all my gizmo's out and settle in. I then ask the nurse if there is any breakfast as I haven't eaten at all since yesterday, so she finds me a sandwich first.(good ol sanies eh...)   I've informed my buddy Annie where I am as she wings in with a Latte .. bless bless bless. and my daughter the heavenly child will pop by with my son Boney M after work/school.  Ok we're set.

Coffeeeeeeeeee (or cofe fe ??) 

Annie is looking at me, I've known this woman since we were kids in school in Hong Kong, I can feel the wheels of her mind cranking up.  "Daph" she starts - this has been a shitty week for you" , I hold up my hand and say " It is what it is, and we'll deal with yah?"  "absolutely lovely, I'm here for you, I will do what ever I can to help".   Done.
 The nursing team comes in, introduces them selves, writes their names on to board so I know who's on call, and show me how to buzz them.  They are a lively, chirpy happy bunch, with easy smiles and a shoulder when you need a cry (and believe me I cried plenty).   A while later the head of Radiology and her little cutie pie intern comes in, obliviously I'm not a hospital regular so now days  there were no more doctors gowns with stethoscopes hanging from their chests and intense I know it all faces.  More like laid back clever people , dressed as hip as today's trends would allow with a very sympathetic attitude and  a lot of empathy for the patient.  

I didn't actually have their pics, they'd be mortified!!! 

The chat started with "Dx so you have been told that we need to do more tests on you, we suspect it could be Lymphoma, we need to do a biopsy and take tissue samples out via the CT scan imaging, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?" .. "yeah when can I leave?" .. No? ok so what is Lymphoma.?  It is a type of blood cancer that begins in the lympathic system.  Everyday our bodies carry stem cells and cells to all parts, cancer cells replicate and die, however if one of the cells becomes infected  they undergo a cancerous change, and multiply in an uncontrolled way, these  lymphoma cells, form collections of cancer cells called tumours, in lymph nodes and other parts of the body, hence the mass on my lung.  Ahhh . (not so light bulb moment) 

Annie's mind I can see is already gong into overdrive, and she's shooting questions out, the Doctors won't give her any more speculation, it is all suspected for the moment and they can only find out more after the biopsy.  Oh yes the biopsy... do tell..  "Oh don't worry Dx you'll have lots of local anaesthetic so not much discomfort".  "Oh I shall be awake for this one then shall I... lovely, can't wait.. bring it on."
Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, I was not supposed to have eaten anything as they scheduled the biopsy that day so since I had,  they rescheduled for the next day.  (suspense much)  I did however mange to explore the food courts in the Hospital..  and got my kids to sneak me in my fav pack of salt and vinegar chips for possible snack time as I believe this is the case worldwide,   Hospital Food SUCKS a big one.   

Yea, breakfast for champions...

The next morning, the nurses come to to the shift change and they all look at me and say NIL by mouth!  OK OK I get it, do not feed the animal in bed 26, geezzz.
To say I wasn't shitting bricks sideways  regarding the biopsy would be an understatement, the nurses brought more gowns in for me and an antiseptic wash for my shower,  they then wheeled me down to radiology, (hey I've been here before!)  The orderlies are so funny, mine said "Hi, I'm Steve and I'll be your uber ride for the day.!".. uh huh!.  They ask if you need a blanket, if you want socks .... who trains these people.. they're great! 

Eventually I get wheeled into the CT scan room, so what's going to happen is they will use the CT scan imagining to get the perfect spot to go in from my front , avoiding ribs etc to lessen pain.  The Nurses get me on the gurney for the CT scan and make me wear the gown opening up the front.  It is protocol to ask my full name and birth day every time they do anything.  They then send me into the dough nut several times, stopping above my ribs and neck , they bring me back out.  The Doctor who is a lovely lady comes in and introduces her self, she says she met me yesterday and that she'd try to minimise the discomfort.    First they had to wash the area and prep it, which was on my left breast.. oh yeah well that mammary was about to have another memory! ha ha..  Then the dressing sheet, more in and out of the CT scan, monitors winging left to right and she said "ok I'm going to administer your anesthetic, I'll try to go as easy as I can" ,  'wokay" me thinks.  I ask her to just keep talking to me and explaining what she's doing as it made it easier for my racing brain to cope with the over imaginative thoughts.  As she was sinking the very long needle into my chest, I did to my inner warrior goddess shame, the "pain noises" , and  you know what, the Doc, apologised to me,  "I'm sorry Dx it won't be much longer we've gone through one layer I need to get to the lung now so you won't feel anything,"  "Urngghhh" yeah oook, but that .. hurts" .   "Just a bit more I'm sorry, tell me about your kids, where are you from , you have a very distinctive accent" ... And finally the needle was done and she managed to mark a spot.  I heard a clank and asked her what she was doing, "oh I made a small incision to insert a tube in, oh right, felt like some tapping on my muscles.
" I'm gong to send you in through the CT scan again as I want to make sure I've got it just right ".  Oh sure,  So when I come out of the CT scan I ask her how many samples she'll be taking, she says about 2 to 4, the more we can get the better.  I look down and I see all manner of steel things sticking out of my chest.. oh hey.   Then she says "Dx I'm going to use this  to take a sample, it makes a clicking noise when I press it like this" (it looks like for lack of a better word a mini pooper scooper... SERIOUSLY!!), it clicks and she blinks her eyes, riggghhtt.  I'm just going to watch her because I'm not in the land of pain anymore, I'm now fascinated at how doc's going to get all my tissue sample.   So she goes in the first time and "click" blinks her eyes and looks at me, OK.. yep, second one does the same,  so I ask how many more bits of my lung are you taking Doc?  and wouldn't you know it, behind me is also another Doctor , the voice says "ve vill need as many as ve can get now, so ve vill not haf to go back inside and do another biopsy, it's safer as well madam and ve can do our testing faster"... right right... I"m trying not to giggle, my sense of humour just has no timing at all.
Four samples later, they CT scan me again before they pull everything out so they get the angle right, and all I get is a transparent dressing the size of an Orange along my inner to outer breast ...(not a fair exchange... a glass of bubbly would have been appreciated) 
The Doc says "good luck Dx, we'll try to do as much as we can but its a long weekend here so the tests will only be in on Tuesday next week,"  "Thanks Doc, I mean it, you've been so good to me."
The nurses come in and say "don't move, we'll move ya!"  They slide me onto my bed and wheel me to my room. 
Annie is there waiting with a coffee, that I can't drink as I have to lie flat for the next 2 hours and so she improvises with a straw... that woman is magic.  So she wants all the deets, once she hears the results wont be in till Tuesday, she's already asking if I can be discharged tomorrow so I wont' have to be twiddling my thumbs in hospital.  We'll ask the doctor!  Kids come to visit and bring me a meal, and change of clothes (like i need it now)

Staking out the joint to see if it's safe from Doctors! 

Now all this time the nurses always ask me if I'm allergic to anything, I"m like "uh not that I know of", that evening I actually have a shot that has to be administered by the nurse.  "What is it?" I say, it's Clexane stops unwanted blood clots from forming, right e o.  So she needles me in the belly, "ouch that stings " I say, "yeah it will for a bit" says night nurse.  Okk.  10 minutes later ... Ur nurse , it's still stinging.. "hmnnn let me see do you have a rash , no, ok lets give a bit of time."   20 mins later... "nurse I dont' feel so good".. " Ok let me come back from my round and check on you" .  30 mins later my mouth is tingling and my tongue starts to swell,  she looks at me and says yup your tongue is swelling, I go get the doctor.  In five minutes it's like Grey's anatomy, I have one emergency doctor, one doctor on call , one attending doctor , nurses and all asking me to stick my tongue out , 'yes it's swollen" can you breathe' yes' lips still tingling yes... and then GET THIS, (oh sods law I hate yee)  OF ALL THE TIMES, when finally the "Mc Dreamy" of doctors is before me, he has to attend to me.  He needs to get my heart rate via the ol stethoscope, so he discreetly pushes it under my gown that is of course now bound in the front and because it has not been tied due to the biopsy... yes the left flap drops open and everyone has a view of a twin peak... , he mutters an apology and quickly pulls it back.  Stands next to me and asks more questions, the last one being "so how do you feel now.?".. I look at him and say, "well what do you think after having to stick my tongue out at more than 5 strangers in a a room and having no idea if this is an allergic reaction " ... "right, understood".... My brain flips me the bird and says "smashed that one D"
Eventually every one disperses, but they leave the defib next to my bed just in case.  I fall asleep in a wave of mortification, irritation, and dying to take  good swipe at Murphy's law.... don't think I'll see McDreamy again ....

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Dodgy Daph's Medical Adventures - Down the rabbit hole Pt 1

This is not for the faint hearted, it is a kelideskope of a ride, and we are going down The Rabbit Hole...

So Monday Come along and the "Godmother" fusses around me so she can send me to the station to go to town as the Bupa Medical Centre for visas  is in the Heart of Brisbane.  I make my way in and am early , for once,  can you believe it.. no neither can I.

The staff are pleasant and do all the usual questions, "are you pregnant"... I fell over the chair laughing... "er no my dear, the plumbing came out a long time ago! "  Mind you when I was waiting my turn I heard the receptionist asking an Asian girl who was also there to do her Medical for her Visa, if she was pregnant, the girl who obviously didn't speak much English and was more into texting her phone looked up and said "Ah?" .  The Receptionist explained, "you have ticked that you are pregnant on this file you filled out online, are you pregnant. ?  "  she says patiently.   The Girl just says " Uh no"...
So the receptionist has to go back to authorise a change in the system.  They do have their work cut out for them.

hanging out at the reception area Bupa Medical 

Eventually I get called in, it's the usual, height, weight, urine sample, questions of lifestyle.. do you drink... ha ha ha,,, well. Lets not go there.  Then it's time for my Chest X ray.  After which I have to go see the Doctor, who's Russian.  I am biting my lip, so not doing the Russian accent here.  She prods and pokes me and asks me all manner of questions and then droops the bomb on me, and says they are not "happy"  (kheappy) with my chest x- ray,  as the left side from the heart down is white instead of black.  So I asked her what it could be , "we don't know, we need some time for diagnosis" Well I asked didn't I?  Is it cancer?  Is it pneumonia?  Is it a collapsed lung" what???
"Can you stay for a little while and I will get the other consulting doctor to speak with you" Dr. Svetlana says.   I'll wait, not like I have a hot date or anything....

Dr I really don't know that much more, hasn't much to say, more like, "you will certainly have to go to the designated "chest specialist" for further investigation, so please don't go back to the Sunshine Coast Just yet, we'll probably try to contact you by four today or tomorrow morning" . I said ok but just to let you now yeah, I don't have TB, Malaysia is not a third world country, we are a developing nation and all of us have to have TB shots when we are born and another compulsory one when we are in grade 6 of school.  So ( everything else is said in my mind and rhymes with rum)

I shakily get my stuff and head downstairs, and stop by the coffee shop to get my head together as I don't know what to do.  I text "the Godmother" who is flat out and says she will call me as soon as she's got a minute.  So whilst I'm having my coffee and croissant I call my Doc in Malaysia and tell her what's happened,  She's so placating, she says  "chill sweetie, You're not displaying any symptoms, so most probably it's either consolidation or pleural effusion (water on the lung)  you had a bad cough back in Malaysia this could have cause it.  so deep breath, and chill ok ?".

at the StellaRosa getting my fav brekkie, a cafe latte and a croissant... such an easy girl to please

I was heading back and get a call for the husband of "the Godmother", hey I'm close by shall I pick you up? he says.  "Sure!, "  they are such a great caring couple these two. (you know the song Fairy tales can come true it can happen to you if you're young at heart...  it's frank sinatra ...peasant ) 

As we head home I give him a glossary of what has happened.   I now have to let my son know, who seems to take it in stride  and we hang around waiting till the next morning, no call.  I eventually get an e mail from the Bupa Centre saying "non urgent further Chest Exams" , basically saying I'll have to go for more tests and it could take any where from 2 weeks to 2 months for the appointment so to be aware for it.   Well thank you very much and we outta here. 

My son (who has now been dubbed Boney M by his Uncles due to his fro)and I had a long trip back, by the time I got home I just wanted to fall in bed and sleep for a week, but no I had 7 missed calls and numerous messages on the phone,  as I was about to hit play the phone rang and it was the Doctor form the Bupa Medical Ctr,
"Daphne we've been trying to call you all day, you have to go to emergency "
"Huh?" is my answer (lucid and succinct as usual) , "Oh why?",
 The Doctor says  "we've discovered you have a lot of Pleural Effusion on your lung and you need to go  to Emergency...now"
 "but I'm feeling fine , can't I go tomorrow" . I say...
"No, you have to go now" Says the Doctor.
Bummer, and I just got in my comfy clothes.

I call down to my daughter and her boyfriend and ask for a ride to the hospital, they take me to the Sunshine Coast University Hospital Emergency (I'm certainly not going back to Brisbane), and the receptionist checks me in, "have you got travel insurance"?  she asks, Yes I have "AIG travel Guard", excellent , they fill out my details , look at the letter from Bupa and hand me a mask to wear.. uh LIKE I HAVE TB for crying out loud.  20 minutes later the receptionist comes to me and say take the mask off luv the doctor says you're fine... (small smirk from me zero to you)

SCUH is the largest infrastructure in Australia so far

Eventually we are sent to see the attending doctor in emergency, she goes over my vitals, asks me the usual "are you vomiting blood?" no, "are you short of breath", no . "do you feel dizzy" no, "have you got night sweats" no, "have you got headaches" no, well I have now with all this palaver!  Anyway, she says we'll have to go get a whole load of X'rays done and CT scans done by them.  So I get to wear the sexy white gown that does up at the back and flaps at your butt.(thankfully and THANKFULLY as we are women and women can be VAIN, i've got me good knickers on!)  It's hospital policy everyone has to be shuttled around in a wheel chair or a bed so I'm chauffeured around from one radiology room to another! wheeeeeee.

The X'ray is done then the CT scan, of which I've never had before.  They stick a cannula in my arm and then flush some saline through.  The nurse says the machine is going to just move me in and out of the tunnel a few time and to do as it instructs.  As I'm conveyed in this electronic voice says "breathe in",  then "hold you breath please", then "breathe out"... right that was fun.  Now for the fun bit really, they have to put the blue dye in my veins, I'm really nervous by this time as I'm not really a medicine girl and hardly take anything , even hard pressed to take a panadol for a headache.  So the nurse says do you have any allergies?  Not that I know of, ok if you feel anything let us know... my heart is racing by now and my anxiety is kicking in, the die gets injected into my cannula in my arm and I'm back on the conveyor.  I tell the nurse my heart is pumping, she say you're anxious my dear, you're ok.  it won't be much longer.

they have different themes on the celing... told my gyne this ages ago...bah

Finally they take me off the CT machine, and wheel me back to the emergency room.  We sit around for a bit and then more blood tests are done.  Finally in an hour Dr big brown puppy dog eyes comes and says "hi Dx , nice to meet you but I wish it was under different circumstances, we've found a large mass on your lung and it doesn't look good" . He's saying all this to me very gently and sadly.. I feel like reaching out and patting his hand,  "so what's the bad news doc"  I ask him, he looks up and says "do you want everyone in here to hear,?"  well it's my daughter so I say yes,  He says " well we suspect it could be cancer, it doesn't look like lung cancer but we'll have to do more tests,  we're worried about the fluids in your lung so you will have to stay in hospital while we sort out what is to be done."

I turn to my daughter and see if she's ok.  "Lani, look at me, it's nothing like what daddy had ya, I"m going to be fine, what would you like to do, you want to go home?  She says "No mummy I'll stay here with you till I know what room you're in."   It's getting close to 11 pm so I send her home and will inform  her where I'll be, after they put me in the respiratory ward. They wheel me into a private room while they wait for place for me.  There's a lot to think about, it's a bit surreal, I don't feel like there is anything wrong with me, I try to shut my eyes and rest and block out all the noise,  tomorrow is going to be  weird with a capital W,  .. I"m thinking man it's the longest time I've spent in my tennis shoes...