Dodgy Daph's Medical Adventures - Down the rabbit hole Pt 1

This is not for the faint hearted, it is a kelideskope of a ride, and we are going down The Rabbit Hole...

So Monday Come along and the "Godmother" fusses around me so she can send me to the station to go to town as the Bupa Medical Centre for visas  is in the Heart of Brisbane.  I make my way in and am early , for once,  can you believe it.. no neither can I.

The staff are pleasant and do all the usual questions, "are you pregnant"... I fell over the chair laughing... "er no my dear, the plumbing came out a long time ago! "  Mind you when I was waiting my turn I heard the receptionist asking an Asian girl who was also there to do her Medical for her Visa, if she was pregnant, the girl who obviously didn't speak much English and was more into texting her phone looked up and said "Ah?" .  The Receptionist explained, "you have ticked that you are pregnant on this file you filled out online, are you pregnant. ?  "  she says patiently.   The Girl just says " Uh no"...
So the receptionist has to go back to authorise a change in the system.  They do have their work cut out for them.

hanging out at the reception area Bupa Medical 

Eventually I get called in, it's the usual, height, weight, urine sample, questions of lifestyle.. do you drink... ha ha ha,,, well. Lets not go there.  Then it's time for my Chest X ray.  After which I have to go see the Doctor, who's Russian.  I am biting my lip, so not doing the Russian accent here.  She prods and pokes me and asks me all manner of questions and then droops the bomb on me, and says they are not "happy"  (kheappy) with my chest x- ray,  as the left side from the heart down is white instead of black.  So I asked her what it could be , "we don't know, we need some time for diagnosis" Well I asked didn't I?  Is it cancer?  Is it pneumonia?  Is it a collapsed lung" what???
"Can you stay for a little while and I will get the other consulting doctor to speak with you" Dr. Svetlana says.   I'll wait, not like I have a hot date or anything....

Dr I really don't know that much more, hasn't much to say, more like, "you will certainly have to go to the designated "chest specialist" for further investigation, so please don't go back to the Sunshine Coast Just yet, we'll probably try to contact you by four today or tomorrow morning" . I said ok but just to let you now yeah, I don't have TB, Malaysia is not a third world country, we are a developing nation and all of us have to have TB shots when we are born and another compulsory one when we are in grade 6 of school.  So ( everything else is said in my mind and rhymes with rum)

I shakily get my stuff and head downstairs, and stop by the coffee shop to get my head together as I don't know what to do.  I text "the Godmother" who is flat out and says she will call me as soon as she's got a minute.  So whilst I'm having my coffee and croissant I call my Doc in Malaysia and tell her what's happened,  She's so placating, she says  "chill sweetie, You're not displaying any symptoms, so most probably it's either consolidation or pleural effusion (water on the lung)  you had a bad cough back in Malaysia this could have cause it.  so deep breath, and chill ok ?".

at the StellaRosa getting my fav brekkie, a cafe latte and a croissant... such an easy girl to please

I was heading back and get a call for the husband of "the Godmother", hey I'm close by shall I pick you up? he says.  "Sure!, "  they are such a great caring couple these two. (you know the song Fairy tales can come true it can happen to you if you're young at heart...  it's frank sinatra ...peasant ) 

As we head home I give him a glossary of what has happened.   I now have to let my son know, who seems to take it in stride  and we hang around waiting till the next morning, no call.  I eventually get an e mail from the Bupa Centre saying "non urgent further Chest Exams" , basically saying I'll have to go for more tests and it could take any where from 2 weeks to 2 months for the appointment so to be aware for it.   Well thank you very much and we outta here. 

My son (who has now been dubbed Boney M by his Uncles due to his fro)and I had a long trip back, by the time I got home I just wanted to fall in bed and sleep for a week, but no I had 7 missed calls and numerous messages on the phone,  as I was about to hit play the phone rang and it was the Doctor form the Bupa Medical Ctr,
"Daphne we've been trying to call you all day, you have to go to emergency "
"Huh?" is my answer (lucid and succinct as usual) , "Oh why?",
 The Doctor says  "we've discovered you have a lot of Pleural Effusion on your lung and you need to go  to Emergency...now"
 "but I'm feeling fine , can't I go tomorrow" . I say...
"No, you have to go now" Says the Doctor.
Bummer, and I just got in my comfy clothes.

I call down to my daughter and her boyfriend and ask for a ride to the hospital, they take me to the Sunshine Coast University Hospital Emergency (I'm certainly not going back to Brisbane), and the receptionist checks me in, "have you got travel insurance"?  she asks, Yes I have "AIG travel Guard", excellent , they fill out my details , look at the letter from Bupa and hand me a mask to wear.. uh LIKE I HAVE TB for crying out loud.  20 minutes later the receptionist comes to me and say take the mask off luv the doctor says you're fine... (small smirk from me zero to you)

SCUH is the largest infrastructure in Australia so far

Eventually we are sent to see the attending doctor in emergency, she goes over my vitals, asks me the usual "are you vomiting blood?" no, "are you short of breath", no . "do you feel dizzy" no, "have you got night sweats" no, "have you got headaches" no, well I have now with all this palaver!  Anyway, she says we'll have to go get a whole load of X'rays done and CT scans done by them.  So I get to wear the sexy white gown that does up at the back and flaps at your butt.(thankfully and THANKFULLY as we are women and women can be VAIN, i've got me good knickers on!)  It's hospital policy everyone has to be shuttled around in a wheel chair or a bed so I'm chauffeured around from one radiology room to another! wheeeeeee.

The X'ray is done then the CT scan, of which I've never had before.  They stick a cannula in my arm and then flush some saline through.  The nurse says the machine is going to just move me in and out of the tunnel a few time and to do as it instructs.  As I'm conveyed in this electronic voice says "breathe in",  then "hold you breath please", then "breathe out"... right that was fun.  Now for the fun bit really, they have to put the blue dye in my veins, I'm really nervous by this time as I'm not really a medicine girl and hardly take anything , even hard pressed to take a panadol for a headache.  So the nurse says do you have any allergies?  Not that I know of, ok if you feel anything let us know... my heart is racing by now and my anxiety is kicking in, the die gets injected into my cannula in my arm and I'm back on the conveyor.  I tell the nurse my heart is pumping, she say you're anxious my dear, you're ok.  it won't be much longer.

they have different themes on the celing... told my gyne this ages ago...bah

Finally they take me off the CT machine, and wheel me back to the emergency room.  We sit around for a bit and then more blood tests are done.  Finally in an hour Dr big brown puppy dog eyes comes and says "hi Dx , nice to meet you but I wish it was under different circumstances, we've found a large mass on your lung and it doesn't look good" . He's saying all this to me very gently and sadly.. I feel like reaching out and patting his hand,  "so what's the bad news doc"  I ask him, he looks up and says "do you want everyone in here to hear,?"  well it's my daughter so I say yes,  He says " well we suspect it could be cancer, it doesn't look like lung cancer but we'll have to do more tests,  we're worried about the fluids in your lung so you will have to stay in hospital while we sort out what is to be done."

I turn to my daughter and see if she's ok.  "Lani, look at me, it's nothing like what daddy had ya, I"m going to be fine, what would you like to do, you want to go home?  She says "No mummy I'll stay here with you till I know what room you're in."   It's getting close to 11 pm so I send her home and will inform  her where I'll be, after they put me in the respiratory ward. They wheel me into a private room while they wait for place for me.  There's a lot to think about, it's a bit surreal, I don't feel like there is anything wrong with me, I try to shut my eyes and rest and block out all the noise,  tomorrow is going to be  weird with a capital W,  .. I"m thinking man it's the longest time I've spent in my tennis shoes...

Tales from the Bush, pt 4

Day 4, Daph’s Caf (the new moon in Virgo wanes)

I hear clicking on floor boards, some thumping and then some breathing, and it’s close by, do I dare open my eyes, I’m going to have to see what type of creature from beyond is about to attack me.  I look down and two pools of liquid amber are staring at me.  Ahhh morning Doggie.

Doggie

We amble off to forage for food, prod Lurch to see if he’s still alive under the doona, and settle down to some work and coffee.  Doggie’s job is to watch me work and to get underfoot every time I walk around the kitchen.  He’s good at his job I must say.  

It’s time to let the evil cluckers out of the coop, when I open their door, I use my most strident tone and tell them to “get a move on girls, no lollygagging, move it move it move it!”.. Heh Heh, and they all march out in a line.  If anyone saw me curled up in laughter by the coop they would have thought I had lost my marbles completely.

EUREKA!  2 Eggs!

 I duck under the lemon trees, which have manged to scratch up my arms when I divested them of their heavy yellow crop, and look at the roosting area for eggs.  EUREKA! Not one but two eggs!  I do a little jig, look carefully left and right so as not to create any suspicion with the “hen brigade” and leg it back to the kitchen.

I show Lurch my treasure, he just shakes his head, “ma, whatever floats your boat” he says.

As long as there are carbs and high sugar treats, the teenage is happy.

We decide it’s time to explore our surroundings.  I believe there is a rather large dwelling type space, but it doesn’t house people, instead it has row upon row of provisions,  like dead animal flesh , there is even an entire area dedicated to crops that have no roots or soil! “ MUM you twit, it’s the supermarket, lets go !” says Lurch.  Humph teens, such killjoys.

The next day I'm joined by the heavenly child and her boyfriend , we're celebrating Lurch's birthday.  It's been ages since I've driven so I'm whizzing around in the little VW, forgot what freedom having a set of wheels can give you.!  

Just raining, and raining..... and raining

The weekend is full of rain, and hail and we 're batting down the doors and windows.  Such excitement, well at least it keeps me occupied and I don't have to think about Monday which is the dreaded "M" day.  ( that's M for Medical.. yuck)  now that's going to be another adventure.  

Stay tuned as the next adventure turns dark.