Raise your Glass (Pink)

 Well another year has zoomed by. Hard to imagine so much has happened within this year.  First the CT scans to figure out why my carotid artery was so swollen, then in emergency and then hospital for a bit, a new diagnosis as I was "misdiagnosed" , the tumour is inoperable but I did the radiation, had  the best care, tumour has shrunk, pledged allegiance to my wellness mentor on taking the supplements that are helping me on the reg, felt phychic when I knew the 1kg bag of skittles that was handed to me by my daughter to help with some of the bitter meds would NOT be eaten by me (ha ha hah and I was right,  the midnight shuffles into my room by two legged creatures was on point!)  laughed with the many wonderful volunteer drivers from Bloomhill, who took me in every day for 6 weeks to ACS for my treatment, did  the Conga with the radiation Techies and nurses on my last day,  told everyone I got a few tattoos (it was for the radiation... but I'm thinking of a proper one... hmmm)  lobbed off my long hair to the former cleopatra look I used to have as a lot of hair fell out during treatment but was told that "radiation doesn't cause hair loss.. one also has to look at one's age..."Well colour me purple... was coddled by my close friend and healer who helped me stay in the zone and just get through it all, she made me envious as heck when she went away for a month to travel through France, Greece, Egypt and had the nerve to text me whilst she was on a house boat on the river Nile! but it just made me more determined to travel again! another birthday came and went, another Christmas, and during all this  dodged and swerved around the Covid Crises Delta and now sitting in the eye of the Omicron storm.   

The Clowns cheering me up on the last day

Between all of that I bit the bullet and decided to try dating again... whoaa that's a lot of raised eyebrows.. well when you realise that tick tock, now is the time, you go and do what you can.  Unfortunately the dating online thingy just didn't work for me, I'm gonna admit, and you all can groan and make noises as much as you want, I'm an old fashioned romantic.  You gotta connect face to face with the person, energy, chemistry, what ever you want to call it!  Looking at pictures and reading stats is what I did for my modelling agency when we were putting talent up for commercials not dates!!  however I did make a couple of wonderful friends from that! (always look on the bright side of life) 

 I  finally went back to Adelaide to visit my besties as I had to cancel the trip due to my prognosis, had a total blast, did a load of videoing,  ate a lot, drank a lot, gained weight a lot.. ha ha ha.. I got my junk in mah trunk back dat is for shore! Met some fab people, flirted a little, hey I still have a pulse!

Me and Miz P

Then when I returned I went .. wait for it.. camping!  Oh yea... those images of the bush with no loos and mozzies flying everywhere can now be expunged from your grey matter, I was told I did a version of what people now call uh Glamping! heh heh whatevveeerrr. 

Getting the Wetta in the Water...

It's called a SWAG!

The Regatta set up
 

I had tons of fun, was taken sailing on a Wetta,  which was exhilarating , it's been awhile since I've been on a "boat" , then did some kayaking with a friend on the lake whilst the sailing regatta was on and discovered "hey I got the energy and capacity to do this!", which led me to take down my road bike, give her a little sweet lovin and start over on the riding.  I even bought a pair of .. PURPLE ROLLER SKATES!  go me! he he he. ok ok now that was my daughter's fault, no really, it was ALL her fault, she wanted to start roller skating, asked me if I would join her,  COERCED me into buying a pair of skates and bam! howsyerfather!

Told ya they were purple

Lastly but not least, I've been working on something I've loosely called The Art of Giving, , I'm launching it in the next couple of weeks, took my own sweet time to get it together, but it's ready now and I hope you'll be  there to watch the launch and support me.

In my quiet moments between Christmas and Boxing day, I raised a glass to the Universe, the Angels, those spiritual guides and the ancestors who keep any eye on us all who are earthbound and said "Thank you, I'm still here, I'm alive and I am well". 

Yes it's been a tough year, we've all had to really dig deep, cry, rage and do some deeeeppp meditation,    So I say to you all 

What can be said in New Year rhymes, 

That’s not been said a thousand times? 

The new years come, the old years go, 

We know we dream, we dream we know. 

We rise up laughing with the light, 

We lie down weeping with the night. 

We hug the world until it stings, 

We curse it then and sigh for wings. 

We live, we love, we woo, we wed, 

We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead. 

We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear, 

And that’s the burden of a year.

From A Poem for Every Winter Day

An Incredibly Awesome New Year to all of you, may you all be happy, loved, safe and healthy.

Dx

Cheers!

Down the Rabbit Hole Pt 2

I hear voices, nurses talking, some groaning, beeping... the night has not gone peacefully, Morpheus deserted me completely, the cad!  Eventually I'm wheeled to the 4th floor which is the Respiratory Unit of the Hospital.

They wheel my bed into a twin sharing room, and tell me to settle in as the nurses will come to do the rounds and the Respiratory Team will have a chat with me.  So I look around me and I'm sharing the room with another lady, who's also had a bit of surprise as she was actually on holiday when this happened to her, her family are visiting so I draw my curtains and get all my gizmo's out and settle in. I then ask the nurse if there is any breakfast as I haven't eaten at all since yesterday, so she finds me a sandwich first.(good ol sanies eh...)   I've informed my buddy Annie where I am as she wings in with a Latte .. bless bless bless. and my daughter the heavenly child will pop by with my son Boney M after work/school.  Ok we're set.

Coffeeeeeeeeee (or cofe fe ??) 

Annie is looking at me, I've known this woman since we were kids in school in Hong Kong, I can feel the wheels of her mind cranking up.  "Daph" she starts - this has been a shitty week for you" , I hold up my hand and say " It is what it is, and we'll deal with yah?"  "absolutely lovely, I'm here for you, I will do what ever I can to help".   Done.
 The nursing team comes in, introduces them selves, writes their names on to board so I know who's on call, and show me how to buzz them.  They are a lively, chirpy happy bunch, with easy smiles and a shoulder when you need a cry (and believe me I cried plenty).   A while later the head of Radiology and her little cutie pie intern comes in, obliviously I'm not a hospital regular so now days  there were no more doctors gowns with stethoscopes hanging from their chests and intense I know it all faces.  More like laid back clever people , dressed as hip as today's trends would allow with a very sympathetic attitude and  a lot of empathy for the patient.  

I didn't actually have their pics, they'd be mortified!!! 

The chat started with "Dx so you have been told that we need to do more tests on you, we suspect it could be Lymphoma, we need to do a biopsy and take tissue samples out via the CT scan imaging, do you have any questions you'd like to ask?" .. "yeah when can I leave?" .. No? ok so what is Lymphoma.?  It is a type of blood cancer that begins in the lympathic system.  Everyday our bodies carry stem cells and cells to all parts, cancer cells replicate and die, however if one of the cells becomes infected  they undergo a cancerous change, and multiply in an uncontrolled way, these  lymphoma cells, form collections of cancer cells called tumours, in lymph nodes and other parts of the body, hence the mass on my lung.  Ahhh . (not so light bulb moment) 

Annie's mind I can see is already gong into overdrive, and she's shooting questions out, the Doctors won't give her any more speculation, it is all suspected for the moment and they can only find out more after the biopsy.  Oh yes the biopsy... do tell..  "Oh don't worry Dx you'll have lots of local anaesthetic so not much discomfort".  "Oh I shall be awake for this one then shall I... lovely, can't wait.. bring it on."
Unfortunately there was a bit of a mix up, I was not supposed to have eaten anything as they scheduled the biopsy that day so since I had,  they rescheduled for the next day.  (suspense much)  I did however mange to explore the food courts in the Hospital..  and got my kids to sneak me in my fav pack of salt and vinegar chips for possible snack time as I believe this is the case worldwide,   Hospital Food SUCKS a big one.   

Yea, breakfast for champions...

The next morning, the nurses come to to the shift change and they all look at me and say NIL by mouth!  OK OK I get it, do not feed the animal in bed 26, geezzz.
To say I wasn't shitting bricks sideways  regarding the biopsy would be an understatement, the nurses brought more gowns in for me and an antiseptic wash for my shower,  they then wheeled me down to radiology, (hey I've been here before!)  The orderlies are so funny, mine said "Hi, I'm Steve and I'll be your uber ride for the day.!".. uh huh!.  They ask if you need a blanket, if you want socks .... who trains these people.. they're great! 

Eventually I get wheeled into the CT scan room, so what's going to happen is they will use the CT scan imagining to get the perfect spot to go in from my front , avoiding ribs etc to lessen pain.  The Nurses get me on the gurney for the CT scan and make me wear the gown opening up the front.  It is protocol to ask my full name and birth day every time they do anything.  They then send me into the dough nut several times, stopping above my ribs and neck , they bring me back out.  The Doctor who is a lovely lady comes in and introduces her self, she says she met me yesterday and that she'd try to minimise the discomfort.    First they had to wash the area and prep it, which was on my left breast.. oh yeah well that mammary was about to have another memory! ha ha..  Then the dressing sheet, more in and out of the CT scan, monitors winging left to right and she said "ok I'm going to administer your anesthetic, I'll try to go as easy as I can" ,  'wokay" me thinks.  I ask her to just keep talking to me and explaining what she's doing as it made it easier for my racing brain to cope with the over imaginative thoughts.  As she was sinking the very long needle into my chest, I did to my inner warrior goddess shame, the "pain noises" , and  you know what, the Doc, apologised to me,  "I'm sorry Dx it won't be much longer we've gone through one layer I need to get to the lung now so you won't feel anything,"  "Urngghhh" yeah oook, but that .. hurts" .   "Just a bit more I'm sorry, tell me about your kids, where are you from , you have a very distinctive accent" ... And finally the needle was done and she managed to mark a spot.  I heard a clank and asked her what she was doing, "oh I made a small incision to insert a tube in, oh right, felt like some tapping on my muscles.
" I'm gong to send you in through the CT scan again as I want to make sure I've got it just right ".  Oh sure,  So when I come out of the CT scan I ask her how many samples she'll be taking, she says about 2 to 4, the more we can get the better.  I look down and I see all manner of steel things sticking out of my chest.. oh hey.   Then she says "Dx I'm going to use this  to take a sample, it makes a clicking noise when I press it like this" (it looks like for lack of a better word a mini pooper scooper... SERIOUSLY!!), it clicks and she blinks her eyes, riggghhtt.  I'm just going to watch her because I'm not in the land of pain anymore, I'm now fascinated at how doc's going to get all my tissue sample.   So she goes in the first time and "click" blinks her eyes and looks at me, OK.. yep, second one does the same,  so I ask how many more bits of my lung are you taking Doc?  and wouldn't you know it, behind me is also another Doctor , the voice says "ve vill need as many as ve can get now, so ve vill not haf to go back inside and do another biopsy, it's safer as well madam and ve can do our testing faster"... right right... I"m trying not to giggle, my sense of humour just has no timing at all.
Four samples later, they CT scan me again before they pull everything out so they get the angle right, and all I get is a transparent dressing the size of an Orange along my inner to outer breast ...(not a fair exchange... a glass of bubbly would have been appreciated) 
The Doc says "good luck Dx, we'll try to do as much as we can but its a long weekend here so the tests will only be in on Tuesday next week,"  "Thanks Doc, I mean it, you've been so good to me."
The nurses come in and say "don't move, we'll move ya!"  They slide me onto my bed and wheel me to my room. 
Annie is there waiting with a coffee, that I can't drink as I have to lie flat for the next 2 hours and so she improvises with a straw... that woman is magic.  So she wants all the deets, once she hears the results wont be in till Tuesday, she's already asking if I can be discharged tomorrow so I wont' have to be twiddling my thumbs in hospital.  We'll ask the doctor!  Kids come to visit and bring me a meal, and change of clothes (like i need it now)

Staking out the joint to see if it's safe from Doctors! 

Now all this time the nurses always ask me if I'm allergic to anything, I"m like "uh not that I know of", that evening I actually have a shot that has to be administered by the nurse.  "What is it?" I say, it's Clexane stops unwanted blood clots from forming, right e o.  So she needles me in the belly, "ouch that stings " I say, "yeah it will for a bit" says night nurse.  Okk.  10 minutes later ... Ur nurse , it's still stinging.. "hmnnn let me see do you have a rash , no, ok lets give a bit of time."   20 mins later... "nurse I dont' feel so good".. " Ok let me come back from my round and check on you" .  30 mins later my mouth is tingling and my tongue starts to swell,  she looks at me and says yup your tongue is swelling, I go get the doctor.  In five minutes it's like Grey's anatomy, I have one emergency doctor, one doctor on call , one attending doctor , nurses and all asking me to stick my tongue out , 'yes it's swollen" can you breathe' yes' lips still tingling yes... and then GET THIS, (oh sods law I hate yee)  OF ALL THE TIMES, when finally the "Mc Dreamy" of doctors is before me, he has to attend to me.  He needs to get my heart rate via the ol stethoscope, so he discreetly pushes it under my gown that is of course now bound in the front and because it has not been tied due to the biopsy... yes the left flap drops open and everyone has a view of a twin peak... , he mutters an apology and quickly pulls it back.  Stands next to me and asks more questions, the last one being "so how do you feel now.?".. I look at him and say, "well what do you think after having to stick my tongue out at more than 5 strangers in a a room and having no idea if this is an allergic reaction " ... "right, understood".... My brain flips me the bird and says "smashed that one D"
Eventually every one disperses, but they leave the defib next to my bed just in case.  I fall asleep in a wave of mortification, irritation, and dying to take  good swipe at Murphy's law.... don't think I'll see McDreamy again ....

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Change of Plan

In a jam again waiting to go to de Hoss Pee Tal

It's funny how sometimes life drops many little surprises into your lap.  Some good, some bad and some you kinda of scratch your head at.  So many cliches come to mind, "life never goes as you planned it"  " it's Murphy's law" "karma is a bitch"  and on it goes.

One thing I do know is that you should always be able to move laterally when a plan you've made doesn't come together due to extenuating circumstances.  I admit, I'm a stickler for plans.   I like knowing  exact dates, times, places, so much so that yeah I'm a bit of a control freak (well if you time every line for every frame that you've storyboarded for your own TV show.... ) however one of my life lessons is to learn to readjust fast ( I'm not good at that, I tend to grind a bit first before going into first gear) and go with the flow. (bobbing along on a lilo as the stream meanders to who knows where comes to mind) And that's exactly what I had to do with the Exhibition we had planned for the 13th May.

For some reason I decided to call Lisa early two days before the Scandelabra Showcase we were hosting.   Knowing artists the way I do, I knew there was some form of panic going on, the hint being we had only been communicating via e mail and texts.  She picked up the call and all I heard was a very bunged up, muffled " I'll call you back, I'm at the clinic , I can't breathe".  Yoikes!!  panic mode , and we're on Def con 3.  Eventually she texts me to say she's been admitted to hospital, hooked on to the oxygen machine and is undergoing tests.  Now here's the clincher, she's asking me if I'm OK as we text each other.  Errr hello, I'm fine, not in hospital, not hooked up to a machine,  stop asking about me, what can I do for you Darth Vader (is what she claims she sounds like at the moment)

Ms Darth Von Vader-ham

As diplomatically as I can, I ask her what she'd like to do regarding the exhibition, it's a bit sketchy because her results haven't come in.  She has a lung infection  compounded on top of her asthma and allergies and it's unclear how long she's going to be in the hospital , let alone convalesce for.  So we agree to push the Exhibition back another two weeks. I set another date on the event invitation and sent out apologies to the invitees.

In production we call it contingency dates, in real life you call it sods law.   I do recall when my husband had just passed away, a  "former" friend who had given me a ticket to a show/dinner, decided that as I was grieving,  I'd not be going, naturally.    She wanted the ticket back (to give to someone else....), but didn't have the balls to ask for it,  so she sent another friend to get the ticket back.  I call it bad taste, other people would call it practical.   There are some things you let go when another person is in a world of pain, loss, illness, hospitalisation, etc   and uh tact does come into play big time.

Anyway, Lisa's finally out of hospital, but not out of the woods yet.    I'm not sure how's she's going to be in a weeks time, so I will be ready to change dates in case she's still unwell.  Yeah, I think I'm finally learning to move from plan a to plan b without too much internal grumbling and swearing.  All I can say is in the bigger scheme of things what's more important, a friends health or her work?  I've figured it out, have you.

Friends, where would you be without them x

Thank you again for reading my blog and subscribing, I appreciate it so much , have a gorgeous week ahead and if you feel like dropping me a line it's daphnenasir@gmail.com
Toodles!