Raise your Glass (Pink)

 Well another year has zoomed by. Hard to imagine so much has happened within this year.  First the CT scans to figure out why my carotid artery was so swollen, then in emergency and then hospital for a bit, a new diagnosis as I was "misdiagnosed" , the tumour is inoperable but I did the radiation, had  the best care, tumour has shrunk, pledged allegiance to my wellness mentor on taking the supplements that are helping me on the reg, felt phychic when I knew the 1kg bag of skittles that was handed to me by my daughter to help with some of the bitter meds would NOT be eaten by me (ha ha hah and I was right,  the midnight shuffles into my room by two legged creatures was on point!)  laughed with the many wonderful volunteer drivers from Bloomhill, who took me in every day for 6 weeks to ACS for my treatment, did  the Conga with the radiation Techies and nurses on my last day,  told everyone I got a few tattoos (it was for the radiation... but I'm thinking of a proper one... hmmm)  lobbed off my long hair to the former cleopatra look I used to have as a lot of hair fell out during treatment but was told that "radiation doesn't cause hair loss.. one also has to look at one's age..."Well colour me purple... was coddled by my close friend and healer who helped me stay in the zone and just get through it all, she made me envious as heck when she went away for a month to travel through France, Greece, Egypt and had the nerve to text me whilst she was on a house boat on the river Nile! but it just made me more determined to travel again! another birthday came and went, another Christmas, and during all this  dodged and swerved around the Covid Crises Delta and now sitting in the eye of the Omicron storm.   

The Clowns cheering me up on the last day

Between all of that I bit the bullet and decided to try dating again... whoaa that's a lot of raised eyebrows.. well when you realise that tick tock, now is the time, you go and do what you can.  Unfortunately the dating online thingy just didn't work for me, I'm gonna admit, and you all can groan and make noises as much as you want, I'm an old fashioned romantic.  You gotta connect face to face with the person, energy, chemistry, what ever you want to call it!  Looking at pictures and reading stats is what I did for my modelling agency when we were putting talent up for commercials not dates!!  however I did make a couple of wonderful friends from that! (always look on the bright side of life) 

 I  finally went back to Adelaide to visit my besties as I had to cancel the trip due to my prognosis, had a total blast, did a load of videoing,  ate a lot, drank a lot, gained weight a lot.. ha ha ha.. I got my junk in mah trunk back dat is for shore! Met some fab people, flirted a little, hey I still have a pulse!

Me and Miz P

Then when I returned I went .. wait for it.. camping!  Oh yea... those images of the bush with no loos and mozzies flying everywhere can now be expunged from your grey matter, I was told I did a version of what people now call uh Glamping! heh heh whatevveeerrr. 

Getting the Wetta in the Water...

It's called a SWAG!

The Regatta set up
 

I had tons of fun, was taken sailing on a Wetta,  which was exhilarating , it's been awhile since I've been on a "boat" , then did some kayaking with a friend on the lake whilst the sailing regatta was on and discovered "hey I got the energy and capacity to do this!", which led me to take down my road bike, give her a little sweet lovin and start over on the riding.  I even bought a pair of .. PURPLE ROLLER SKATES!  go me! he he he. ok ok now that was my daughter's fault, no really, it was ALL her fault, she wanted to start roller skating, asked me if I would join her,  COERCED me into buying a pair of skates and bam! howsyerfather!

Told ya they were purple

Lastly but not least, I've been working on something I've loosely called The Art of Giving, , I'm launching it in the next couple of weeks, took my own sweet time to get it together, but it's ready now and I hope you'll be  there to watch the launch and support me.

In my quiet moments between Christmas and Boxing day, I raised a glass to the Universe, the Angels, those spiritual guides and the ancestors who keep any eye on us all who are earthbound and said "Thank you, I'm still here, I'm alive and I am well". 

Yes it's been a tough year, we've all had to really dig deep, cry, rage and do some deeeeppp meditation,    So I say to you all 

What can be said in New Year rhymes, 

That’s not been said a thousand times? 

The new years come, the old years go, 

We know we dream, we dream we know. 

We rise up laughing with the light, 

We lie down weeping with the night. 

We hug the world until it stings, 

We curse it then and sigh for wings. 

We live, we love, we woo, we wed, 

We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead. 

We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear, 

And that’s the burden of a year.

From A Poem for Every Winter Day

An Incredibly Awesome New Year to all of you, may you all be happy, loved, safe and healthy.

Dx

Cheers!

Four walls and a window

One would have thought right, as the average common sensical person would, that I would have started blogging ages ago, right when the lockdown or self isolating started.  Where was my brain? Probably in twitter land getting myself worked up about the virus.

I had actually gone to Adelaide visiting my bff Miz P and going to the Fringe Festival there.  A first for me, flying since 2017 and the fringe. 

One of the tents at the Fringe that had some great shows

 It was during the last week that the seriousness of everything hit, I flew back after that to the Sunny Coast as I was concerned that they would shut borders down , (in fact they did 2 weeks after I returned.. phew) Just wanted to be with my kids.  A few days later, I asked myself why.. .. no really... ok ok WHY?

and I find selfies of my kids on my phone???

So there have been more "Zoom" parties and more online gaming
me:  "oi... keep it down" ( live music blaring from one room)
kids" "what ma...I'm in the middle of a game". (the other one doesn't respond)
me". I know, keep it down though, you're so loud!"
kids :" huh?.. wait I can't hear you, hold on.... *shouting to online players*  (live music still playing)
me : " I know you can't hear me,  turn the volume down!!!!
Kids: "gimmie 5 mins and I'll talk to you"
me: ".. what EVER".... *goes to watch Rupaul's drag race*. (noise cancelling headphones.. I love you)

I've gone through a load of seasons of some really banal crap on Netflix, I will never get that 1 hour and 50 mins back.  I've read countless e books, I think I need to go test my eyes... does cross eyed count for reading glasses? I've tended to me little backyard garden (am still having a battle with the ants and the grasshoppers) Grew my first pumpkin, and now have ordered more seeds to see how far I can go!

Talking about pumpkins, check this out.

can you see the strain in the wrists!

PUMPKIN CURRY... YUMZZZZ

Pretty proud of this. So I decided to start my videos again, as more people were leaving messages , this one is about making vegan curry with pumpkin. 

Leaving you with the link, drop me a line ,  always respond.  Have a great week ahead.
DX

Look at me ma, I'm meditating!

Maroochydore Bushland Park

I was invited recently to a Meditation Retreat.  It was a whole day event.  I was really looking forward to it, as I had never been to one before and had no idea what to expect. The only hope was that "please please don't say we can't talk for the entire day!"  That would really be a challenge for me! 

It turned out to be an awesome day, it was a small group but I must say Chad Foreman  from  The Way of Meditation , who ran this meditation retreat was so good.  He clearly explained what and why and how and answered all the questions gently and believe me there were a lot of questions!  There were varying levels from beginners to seasoned meditation practitioners . Some had their own paraphernalia and others like me just rocked in with a water bottle and a coffee in hand! (I am always prepared!)  But when you get down to the basics, all you need is to "be there." (know what I mean)

Meditation Hall looking out to the rainforest

I have really come a long way in terms of meditation. I practice almost everyday.  I also try to attend a monthly group my SIL runs. I chat about different types of meditation with various friends who also have their favourites (I feel it also deepens our connection).  It's been an enlightening journey.

A few years back there would have been little possibility of me participating in such an event.   I would have fidgeted, fretted, wondered about my phone calls and messages, my thoughts would have been all over the place and I probably would have been internally grumbling about a numb bum!  I would have been self conscious, I would have wondered what others thought of me,  I would be judgmental in my perception of the others there.  I had left the house changing my blouse at the last minute as it was so hot and realised there was a small hole in it, the now Dx just looked at it and went "oh well", the Dx before would have panicked, run back, rummaged around for another blouse, probably making herself late, then feeling rushed and ... well you can see how that goes.

But perspectives change, after having cancer, after re shifting my priorities in life, it set me on a path to truly find myself, who I am now, what I'm really about. In the beginning it was a bit of self blame as to why I had cancer, what caused it, what was I doing in my life that brought me to such a devastating full stop.   I surprisingly found that I wanted to be more spiritual, that meditation had become easier for me, that being in tune with my inner self was no hardship.  I'm calmer, my anxiety has gone from a  10 to a subdued 2.  I'm hoping to bring that further down as well. 

I was asked to do a series of photos with my family fo the Hand, Heart , Pocket foundation who contributed a huge ammount of money to Bloomhill. 

I do not poo pooh (that is an actual word, it is!) practitioners of different spiritual healing.  I've actually embraced them, and experienced them for myself.  I understand the high stress I was living in was a huge factor in getting the dis-ease. I absolutely thank my psychologist for helping me with that.    Though my diet was not particularly bad (no no mcd's once a week was OK.. right.. LOL) I am more aware of what I'm putting into my body.  During cancer my body just reacted so badly to meat so now days I have a more pescatarian diet, however as my daughter is a Vegan, I've had to really push my creative cooking boundaries to incorporate meals that we can all eat and are nutritious and delicious. 

Vegetarian Food Spread

The one thing no one tells you about or discusses with you after having Cancer is "then what?" How do you get on with your life.  How do you alleviate your fears of every single lump, bump, ache that it's not the dreaded cancer reemerging?  How do you normalise your everyday living, what is normal now?  A lot of of survivors take a while to be able to physically get back to some level of fitness, the average length I think is two years.   To make friends again or to help your friends understand who you are now without too much damage to your relationships.    The answer is one day at a time,  to treat yourself with love and kindness, to understand your limitations.  For example I broke down in tears that I couldn't finish the final heat on the dragon boat races, my lungs and heart just couldn't cope and I could feel it.  In the beginning I was really upset with myself and my body which I felt had let me down but then I realised, hey a year ago I was lying in a hospital bed, bald, with tubes going in and out of my arms and back, hardly able to walk up  the stairs and now I'm upset because I couldn't complete the 3rd race of a 500 m sprint in a dragon boat?  My body is what brought me through all this, it has nourished me, it has kept me alive, it has held me up.  I am so grateful for what it has endured and how it continues to function.

more than a year after Cancer

I've also learned to love me.  And so I gave myself a gift.  I bought myself a road bike.  I don't push too hard, I slowly increase my time and distance and when I feel I can't and don't want to ride, I honour it and do a session of yoga instead.  That is life, it has a series of choices, all of them to make you live it to your full capacity.  (Just don't 'ask Annie how many times I've asked her to lend me her bike pump!!)

 I try to live every day in the present,  sometimes I forget, I start stressing about the usual thing, bills, medical,.. things! then I have to gather myself, do a small meditation of "Gladitude",   https://youtu.be/8dcxLHXyuAU  or call my daughter or chat with my son.  I pick myself up and start again.  You can too.