What's it like on the other side humans?

Would it be strange to say that it feels like we're coming out of hybernation from the COVID lockdown instead of going into hybernation as we go into winter , er we're in the Southern Hemisphere, winter solstice was yesterday in Oceania, yes the world is upside-down)

winter solstice in OZ

I've hopped back on me bike and been trying to go at least 2 or 3 times a week to get these unused glutes, quads and hams back in to some semblance of shape and strength.  I get a lot of "c'mon gal, keep going" " and you can do it" as I huff and puff my way up little inclines.  It does put a grin on my face when I don't have to get off the bike anymore and push it up the hill! ha ha ha .

Looking around me the world has gone slightly out of focus,  we're led by what we read in the media, who as we all know love to hype up events.  it's akin to standing at the edge of a cliff watching the world disintegrating in some parts and bloom in others.  Strange times indeed.

who can forget the Italians singing and making music from their balconies

However I've now proudly joined the nana brigade! Oh yes my friends, along with two other friends who've coincidentally also had their grand babies born a few weeks apart from my lovely lovely little grandson.  I cannot tell you the joy I feel inside.  When my son broke the news to me at New Years, my response was "please don't joke , because if this is true , it is the best , best , most awesome news I've had".   And lo I received a pic of their ultrasound scan.  Cried like Bridget Jones, danced across the hall like Hugh Grant, and did the fist pumps like Flo Jo! The only draw back is I still can't see the little bubba, as I'm on the opposite end of the word and the UK is still under lockdown.  From what we've been told , international flights might not occur till next year.  So thank you Zoom and thank you Skype, there are times when you can't beat technology.

My little bubba

I did make a resolution, and that  was I'd start doing more videos , especially cooking ones, as I've been delving into more plant based cooking, pushing boundaries to find ways and means to make tasty food (I've got the vegan kimchi down pat yo). However, (yes there is a however) my clip to hold my camera in place on the tripod snapped like an old trout, and the replacement has yet to arrive, all international mail is taking time, but I'm still grateful to our lovely posties and curriers, you guys rock.!  Plus with everyone at home, it's kinda hard to look at the camera and chat when you hear "maaaauuuummmmm, do you have....(insert whatever here if you have kids) So here's hoping I'll be back to it in by next week. cross fingers and toes everyone!

Oh and by the way, I bit the bullet, went in for my eye check up as I was a chicken shit and was worried it would be cataracts due to the steroid drops I had to put in my eyes as part of  what chemo treatment required.  Luckily it's just more eyesight deterioration ... wait did i just say luckily? whaaatttt!  Ok it wasn't as bad as I expected, my vision now requires multifocal lenses so I can read the sign someone holds up in the car as they driving past saying things like "help me, my mum has grounded me for life"  or "if you can read this you're driving to close to me and can you get me a latte"... "or skydivers do it best, join the mile high club"...type thingies. Come to think of it, I should have just not bothered, having slightly blurry vision is nice, who needs life in ultra 4k HD???

it's too CLEAR!

So on saying that, keep posted, I'll do my best to stop piffilling around and get to the juicy stuff soon, in the mean time, take care of yourselves, be good to one another, try to post one positive thing you see, read or hear everyday .....and stop honking at me while I'm cycling!, makes me wobble terribly!
mwwaahhhh
Dx

Look at me ma, I'm meditating!

Maroochydore Bushland Park

I was invited recently to a Meditation Retreat.  It was a whole day event.  I was really looking forward to it, as I had never been to one before and had no idea what to expect. The only hope was that "please please don't say we can't talk for the entire day!"  That would really be a challenge for me! 

It turned out to be an awesome day, it was a small group but I must say Chad Foreman  from  The Way of Meditation , who ran this meditation retreat was so good.  He clearly explained what and why and how and answered all the questions gently and believe me there were a lot of questions!  There were varying levels from beginners to seasoned meditation practitioners . Some had their own paraphernalia and others like me just rocked in with a water bottle and a coffee in hand! (I am always prepared!)  But when you get down to the basics, all you need is to "be there." (know what I mean)

Meditation Hall looking out to the rainforest

I have really come a long way in terms of meditation. I practice almost everyday.  I also try to attend a monthly group my SIL runs. I chat about different types of meditation with various friends who also have their favourites (I feel it also deepens our connection).  It's been an enlightening journey.

A few years back there would have been little possibility of me participating in such an event.   I would have fidgeted, fretted, wondered about my phone calls and messages, my thoughts would have been all over the place and I probably would have been internally grumbling about a numb bum!  I would have been self conscious, I would have wondered what others thought of me,  I would be judgmental in my perception of the others there.  I had left the house changing my blouse at the last minute as it was so hot and realised there was a small hole in it, the now Dx just looked at it and went "oh well", the Dx before would have panicked, run back, rummaged around for another blouse, probably making herself late, then feeling rushed and ... well you can see how that goes.

But perspectives change, after having cancer, after re shifting my priorities in life, it set me on a path to truly find myself, who I am now, what I'm really about. In the beginning it was a bit of self blame as to why I had cancer, what caused it, what was I doing in my life that brought me to such a devastating full stop.   I surprisingly found that I wanted to be more spiritual, that meditation had become easier for me, that being in tune with my inner self was no hardship.  I'm calmer, my anxiety has gone from a  10 to a subdued 2.  I'm hoping to bring that further down as well. 

I was asked to do a series of photos with my family fo the Hand, Heart , Pocket foundation who contributed a huge ammount of money to Bloomhill. 

I do not poo pooh (that is an actual word, it is!) practitioners of different spiritual healing.  I've actually embraced them, and experienced them for myself.  I understand the high stress I was living in was a huge factor in getting the dis-ease. I absolutely thank my psychologist for helping me with that.    Though my diet was not particularly bad (no no mcd's once a week was OK.. right.. LOL) I am more aware of what I'm putting into my body.  During cancer my body just reacted so badly to meat so now days I have a more pescatarian diet, however as my daughter is a Vegan, I've had to really push my creative cooking boundaries to incorporate meals that we can all eat and are nutritious and delicious. 

Vegetarian Food Spread

The one thing no one tells you about or discusses with you after having Cancer is "then what?" How do you get on with your life.  How do you alleviate your fears of every single lump, bump, ache that it's not the dreaded cancer reemerging?  How do you normalise your everyday living, what is normal now?  A lot of of survivors take a while to be able to physically get back to some level of fitness, the average length I think is two years.   To make friends again or to help your friends understand who you are now without too much damage to your relationships.    The answer is one day at a time,  to treat yourself with love and kindness, to understand your limitations.  For example I broke down in tears that I couldn't finish the final heat on the dragon boat races, my lungs and heart just couldn't cope and I could feel it.  In the beginning I was really upset with myself and my body which I felt had let me down but then I realised, hey a year ago I was lying in a hospital bed, bald, with tubes going in and out of my arms and back, hardly able to walk up  the stairs and now I'm upset because I couldn't complete the 3rd race of a 500 m sprint in a dragon boat?  My body is what brought me through all this, it has nourished me, it has kept me alive, it has held me up.  I am so grateful for what it has endured and how it continues to function.

more than a year after Cancer

I've also learned to love me.  And so I gave myself a gift.  I bought myself a road bike.  I don't push too hard, I slowly increase my time and distance and when I feel I can't and don't want to ride, I honour it and do a session of yoga instead.  That is life, it has a series of choices, all of them to make you live it to your full capacity.  (Just don't 'ask Annie how many times I've asked her to lend me her bike pump!!)

 I try to live every day in the present,  sometimes I forget, I start stressing about the usual thing, bills, medical,.. things! then I have to gather myself, do a small meditation of "Gladitude",   https://youtu.be/8dcxLHXyuAU  or call my daughter or chat with my son.  I pick myself up and start again.  You can too.

Better later than never!

Well well well, talk about a gap, well more like a hiatus , well actually more like a big fat blank!
Happy belated New Year Everyone, what a spectacular  new year it  has been.  I can say  officially that that it's been one year of "remission"!.   I am so grateful and filled with so much joy that I'm still here kicking it loud and proud.

Right updates, my hair's grown back!

Ok for some it's no big deal but for someone who was bald for a year IT"S bloody brilliant (can I say that ? oh yeah it's my blog so Yes!) . Thank you to my lovely friend who sorted out the curls and reshaped the shaggy mess!

Secondly, I've started paddling again with my lovely Dragon Boat Team, I attended two regattas, but unfortunately on the second one I couldn't complete my final paddle as my heart was aching from the exertion , my fellow cancer care buddies said "are you mad? it's already amazing you went back to paddle but to compete?? ", well I'm a tad competitive can't you tell...I just wanted to see how far I could push myself and the answer is push too hard and the body goes "here's some pain, deal with that and next time take it easy dudette"

I started my long walks again, but had to give it up after getting dizzy from the heat so am waiting for the weather to cool down , and yes I'm much much closer to getting my road bike so I can cycle and get my heart, lungs and quads in gear (not to mention the possibility of perhaps getting my bum back... it's still missing, hey I like some junk in my trunk ok!

We're still meeting once a week at Bloomhill Cancer Care for meditation class and a good ol catch up beforehand as the art therapy classes are still not in place. A few members have drifted off to sort out other responsibilities and extended holidays so the ebb and flow of the centre continues. Speaking of art therapy, I did a 6 week workshop with the lovely Helen Bradshaw, and it was tremendous,  I loved every moment of it and discovering so many things about myself and making some great friends along the way, what a wonderful gift.  I now get to attend the open hearted women's network once a month, the energy is awesome!

                                         Open Hearted Women's Network


 As we've become closer friendship wise at the cancer centre,   I get a load of ribbing from my friends of the opposite sex, namely the guys regarding my err social life.. ha ha ha ha.  In an attempt to get me out and about my kids pushed me to get on a dating site to "dip me toes in the pond" so to speak.  Uh... where do I start?  Lets just put it this way, when the guys asked me how one of my coffee dates went, I replied "well you gotta kiss a load of frogs before you meet your prince" . (meaning ... well you know what I mean... ) and the buggers said you mean "TOAD's Dx".. toads !  And the jokes started, with 'what happens if you see a cane toad.....'  and it just degenerated from there... the teasing I have to put up with, makes me grin.   Anyway, I've done away with all that as I just couldn't deal with the cut and dry of the uh dating sites.    As I said to my kids "well that box is ticked, done and dusted,  I did it!" Onwards and upwards

Next to find either latin or ball room classes and try the Drumming Circle , yes it's time to keep ticking off everything on the bucket list, no time like the present!  In the mean time, keep on keeping on . Hugs Dx