Tofu Patties

What's it like on the other side humans?

Would it be strange to say that it feels like we're coming out of hybernation from the COVID lockdown instead of going into hybernation as we go into winter , er we're in the Southern Hemisphere, winter solstice was yesterday in Oceania, yes the world is upside-down)

winter solstice in OZ

I've hopped back on me bike and been trying to go at least 2 or 3 times a week to get these unused glutes, quads and hams back in to some semblance of shape and strength.  I get a lot of "c'mon gal, keep going" " and you can do it" as I huff and puff my way up little inclines.  It does put a grin on my face when I don't have to get off the bike anymore and push it up the hill! ha ha ha .

Looking around me the world has gone slightly out of focus,  we're led by what we read in the media, who as we all know love to hype up events.  it's akin to standing at the edge of a cliff watching the world disintegrating in some parts and bloom in others.  Strange times indeed.

who can forget the Italians singing and making music from their balconies

However I've now proudly joined the nana brigade! Oh yes my friends, along with two other friends who've coincidentally also had their grand babies born a few weeks apart from my lovely lovely little grandson.  I cannot tell you the joy I feel inside.  When my son broke the news to me at New Years, my response was "please don't joke , because if this is true , it is the best , best , most awesome news I've had".   And lo I received a pic of their ultrasound scan.  Cried like Bridget Jones, danced across the hall like Hugh Grant, and did the fist pumps like Flo Jo! The only draw back is I still can't see the little bubba, as I'm on the opposite end of the word and the UK is still under lockdown.  From what we've been told , international flights might not occur till next year.  So thank you Zoom and thank you Skype, there are times when you can't beat technology.

My little bubba

I did make a resolution, and that  was I'd start doing more videos , especially cooking ones, as I've been delving into more plant based cooking, pushing boundaries to find ways and means to make tasty food (I've got the vegan kimchi down pat yo). However, (yes there is a however) my clip to hold my camera in place on the tripod snapped like an old trout, and the replacement has yet to arrive, all international mail is taking time, but I'm still grateful to our lovely posties and curriers, you guys rock.!  Plus with everyone at home, it's kinda hard to look at the camera and chat when you hear "maaaauuuummmmm, do you have....(insert whatever here if you have kids) So here's hoping I'll be back to it in by next week. cross fingers and toes everyone!

Oh and by the way, I bit the bullet, went in for my eye check up as I was a chicken shit and was worried it would be cataracts due to the steroid drops I had to put in my eyes as part of  what chemo treatment required.  Luckily it's just more eyesight deterioration ... wait did i just say luckily? whaaatttt!  Ok it wasn't as bad as I expected, my vision now requires multifocal lenses so I can read the sign someone holds up in the car as they driving past saying things like "help me, my mum has grounded me for life"  or "if you can read this you're driving to close to me and can you get me a latte"... "or skydivers do it best, join the mile high club"...type thingies. Come to think of it, I should have just not bothered, having slightly blurry vision is nice, who needs life in ultra 4k HD???

it's too CLEAR!

So on saying that, keep posted, I'll do my best to stop piffilling around and get to the juicy stuff soon, in the mean time, take care of yourselves, be good to one another, try to post one positive thing you see, read or hear everyday .....and stop honking at me while I'm cycling!, makes me wobble terribly!
mwwaahhhh
Dx

Four walls and a window

One would have thought right, as the average common sensical person would, that I would have started blogging ages ago, right when the lockdown or self isolating started.  Where was my brain? Probably in twitter land getting myself worked up about the virus.

I had actually gone to Adelaide visiting my bff Miz P and going to the Fringe Festival there.  A first for me, flying since 2017 and the fringe. 

One of the tents at the Fringe that had some great shows

 It was during the last week that the seriousness of everything hit, I flew back after that to the Sunny Coast as I was concerned that they would shut borders down , (in fact they did 2 weeks after I returned.. phew) Just wanted to be with my kids.  A few days later, I asked myself why.. .. no really... ok ok WHY?

and I find selfies of my kids on my phone???

So there have been more "Zoom" parties and more online gaming
me:  "oi... keep it down" ( live music blaring from one room)
kids" "what ma...I'm in the middle of a game". (the other one doesn't respond)
me". I know, keep it down though, you're so loud!"
kids :" huh?.. wait I can't hear you, hold on.... *shouting to online players*  (live music still playing)
me : " I know you can't hear me,  turn the volume down!!!!
Kids: "gimmie 5 mins and I'll talk to you"
me: ".. what EVER".... *goes to watch Rupaul's drag race*. (noise cancelling headphones.. I love you)

I've gone through a load of seasons of some really banal crap on Netflix, I will never get that 1 hour and 50 mins back.  I've read countless e books, I think I need to go test my eyes... does cross eyed count for reading glasses? I've tended to me little backyard garden (am still having a battle with the ants and the grasshoppers) Grew my first pumpkin, and now have ordered more seeds to see how far I can go!

Talking about pumpkins, check this out.

can you see the strain in the wrists!

PUMPKIN CURRY... YUMZZZZ

Pretty proud of this. So I decided to start my videos again, as more people were leaving messages , this one is about making vegan curry with pumpkin. 

Leaving you with the link, drop me a line ,  always respond.  Have a great week ahead.
DX

A day in the life of Dodgy Daph

I was cleaning out my handbag as one does when transferring to another one and some cards fell out, stuck on the back of one of the cards was a post it with "liquid seaweed" , " liquid worm castings" written on it. I stuck out my tongue and made a face, uugghhhh WTH?  Ohh yes, On my quest to be less of a plant killer and more of a gardener I had attended a workshop on organic gardening... what?.. can't a girl have different hobbies?.. get off the floor it's not that far stretched, this is Australia , everything grows here.. fast, My kids, my hair,  friendships, the weeds....   Anyway where was I? oh yes, so back to the garden, we're about to go into summer, being in the Suthern Hemisphere and all that, the weather is hot, dry, we're experiencing tons of bush fires, and if you don't water yer plants everyday they go "byeee byeeeeeeeee.... I'm melting... poof!"  

I really tried.. I did

So amongst my many other bucket list items I've actually started to get a handle on the gardening malarkey, and to my kids astonishment I even watch gardening shows... if this is not a slide into old age I dont' know what is!  Oh oh I can feel the botanists and avid gardeners giving me the evils... it was just a self depreciating joke.. c'mon, don't get yer tomatoes in a twist. 

I do love Monty, he's such a chilled out character

Anyway moving along swiftly, I was in the backyard the other day about to water the plants and "insert special effect wing noises" a LOCUST flew off my plant and into my lemon balm .... I found if you spray water on it it flies off , the locust not the lemon balm...(I'm trying to not kill things ok.. cockroaches though dont have a chance)  I knew it was a locust because it was the LARGEST brown grasshopper type thingy I had ever seen .. and I asked Google ... she told me.. I'm good. 

Yes it's an Australian Plague Locust

It was really strange as it was one of the hottest days before the weather changed drastically and the next thing you know we've got hail the size of golf balls pinging down on us mere mortals.  Electricity went out, internet went out, drinks went out.. uh well we had to finish all the stuff in the fridge in case it went off... that's the truth and I'm sticking to it. You try sitting in the heat without any form of a cooling system, the only company is the neighbour's cat who's taken a sudden liking to your house and spends more time lounging in my sons room then in it's own dwelling, sweat trickling down yer nether regions with nothing to do but wait for everyone else to stop banging on each others door to see if the electricity is also out in their homes.  ohhhh I live a high paced and racy life I tell ya. 

Which brings me back to my point of the locusts, they really are the harbinger of bad news arent they, I even went online to see what part did they play in the eco system and guess what : 

"Native to Australia, the Australian plague locust is a grey, brown or occasionally 

green insect that can attack and destroy crops and pastures. Of all locusts in Queensland, it has the greatest economic impact because of the extent and frequency of outbreaks."... I must say though I did not kill the locust, I did find a few stray brown insecty almost could say locust like legs scattered here and there on my verandah.... the neighbour's cat hangs out there a lot... I wonder....

I look so cute and I also left a rat on your doorstep as a gift... purrrr

Look at me ma, I'm meditating!

Maroochydore Bushland Park

I was invited recently to a Meditation Retreat.  It was a whole day event.  I was really looking forward to it, as I had never been to one before and had no idea what to expect. The only hope was that "please please don't say we can't talk for the entire day!"  That would really be a challenge for me! 

It turned out to be an awesome day, it was a small group but I must say Chad Foreman  from  The Way of Meditation , who ran this meditation retreat was so good.  He clearly explained what and why and how and answered all the questions gently and believe me there were a lot of questions!  There were varying levels from beginners to seasoned meditation practitioners . Some had their own paraphernalia and others like me just rocked in with a water bottle and a coffee in hand! (I am always prepared!)  But when you get down to the basics, all you need is to "be there." (know what I mean)

Meditation Hall looking out to the rainforest

I have really come a long way in terms of meditation. I practice almost everyday.  I also try to attend a monthly group my SIL runs. I chat about different types of meditation with various friends who also have their favourites (I feel it also deepens our connection).  It's been an enlightening journey.

A few years back there would have been little possibility of me participating in such an event.   I would have fidgeted, fretted, wondered about my phone calls and messages, my thoughts would have been all over the place and I probably would have been internally grumbling about a numb bum!  I would have been self conscious, I would have wondered what others thought of me,  I would be judgmental in my perception of the others there.  I had left the house changing my blouse at the last minute as it was so hot and realised there was a small hole in it, the now Dx just looked at it and went "oh well", the Dx before would have panicked, run back, rummaged around for another blouse, probably making herself late, then feeling rushed and ... well you can see how that goes.

But perspectives change, after having cancer, after re shifting my priorities in life, it set me on a path to truly find myself, who I am now, what I'm really about. In the beginning it was a bit of self blame as to why I had cancer, what caused it, what was I doing in my life that brought me to such a devastating full stop.   I surprisingly found that I wanted to be more spiritual, that meditation had become easier for me, that being in tune with my inner self was no hardship.  I'm calmer, my anxiety has gone from a  10 to a subdued 2.  I'm hoping to bring that further down as well. 

I was asked to do a series of photos with my family fo the Hand, Heart , Pocket foundation who contributed a huge ammount of money to Bloomhill. 

I do not poo pooh (that is an actual word, it is!) practitioners of different spiritual healing.  I've actually embraced them, and experienced them for myself.  I understand the high stress I was living in was a huge factor in getting the dis-ease. I absolutely thank my psychologist for helping me with that.    Though my diet was not particularly bad (no no mcd's once a week was OK.. right.. LOL) I am more aware of what I'm putting into my body.  During cancer my body just reacted so badly to meat so now days I have a more pescatarian diet, however as my daughter is a Vegan, I've had to really push my creative cooking boundaries to incorporate meals that we can all eat and are nutritious and delicious. 

Vegetarian Food Spread

The one thing no one tells you about or discusses with you after having Cancer is "then what?" How do you get on with your life.  How do you alleviate your fears of every single lump, bump, ache that it's not the dreaded cancer reemerging?  How do you normalise your everyday living, what is normal now?  A lot of of survivors take a while to be able to physically get back to some level of fitness, the average length I think is two years.   To make friends again or to help your friends understand who you are now without too much damage to your relationships.    The answer is one day at a time,  to treat yourself with love and kindness, to understand your limitations.  For example I broke down in tears that I couldn't finish the final heat on the dragon boat races, my lungs and heart just couldn't cope and I could feel it.  In the beginning I was really upset with myself and my body which I felt had let me down but then I realised, hey a year ago I was lying in a hospital bed, bald, with tubes going in and out of my arms and back, hardly able to walk up  the stairs and now I'm upset because I couldn't complete the 3rd race of a 500 m sprint in a dragon boat?  My body is what brought me through all this, it has nourished me, it has kept me alive, it has held me up.  I am so grateful for what it has endured and how it continues to function.

more than a year after Cancer

I've also learned to love me.  And so I gave myself a gift.  I bought myself a road bike.  I don't push too hard, I slowly increase my time and distance and when I feel I can't and don't want to ride, I honour it and do a session of yoga instead.  That is life, it has a series of choices, all of them to make you live it to your full capacity.  (Just don't 'ask Annie how many times I've asked her to lend me her bike pump!!)

 I try to live every day in the present,  sometimes I forget, I start stressing about the usual thing, bills, medical,.. things! then I have to gather myself, do a small meditation of "Gladitude",   https://youtu.be/8dcxLHXyuAU  or call my daughter or chat with my son.  I pick myself up and start again.  You can too.

Better later than never!

Well well well, talk about a gap, well more like a hiatus , well actually more like a big fat blank!
Happy belated New Year Everyone, what a spectacular  new year it  has been.  I can say  officially that that it's been one year of "remission"!.   I am so grateful and filled with so much joy that I'm still here kicking it loud and proud.

Right updates, my hair's grown back!

Ok for some it's no big deal but for someone who was bald for a year IT"S bloody brilliant (can I say that ? oh yeah it's my blog so Yes!) . Thank you to my lovely friend who sorted out the curls and reshaped the shaggy mess!

Secondly, I've started paddling again with my lovely Dragon Boat Team, I attended two regattas, but unfortunately on the second one I couldn't complete my final paddle as my heart was aching from the exertion , my fellow cancer care buddies said "are you mad? it's already amazing you went back to paddle but to compete?? ", well I'm a tad competitive can't you tell...I just wanted to see how far I could push myself and the answer is push too hard and the body goes "here's some pain, deal with that and next time take it easy dudette"

I started my long walks again, but had to give it up after getting dizzy from the heat so am waiting for the weather to cool down , and yes I'm much much closer to getting my road bike so I can cycle and get my heart, lungs and quads in gear (not to mention the possibility of perhaps getting my bum back... it's still missing, hey I like some junk in my trunk ok!

We're still meeting once a week at Bloomhill Cancer Care for meditation class and a good ol catch up beforehand as the art therapy classes are still not in place. A few members have drifted off to sort out other responsibilities and extended holidays so the ebb and flow of the centre continues. Speaking of art therapy, I did a 6 week workshop with the lovely Helen Bradshaw, and it was tremendous,  I loved every moment of it and discovering so many things about myself and making some great friends along the way, what a wonderful gift.  I now get to attend the open hearted women's network once a month, the energy is awesome!

                                         Open Hearted Women's Network


 As we've become closer friendship wise at the cancer centre,   I get a load of ribbing from my friends of the opposite sex, namely the guys regarding my err social life.. ha ha ha ha.  In an attempt to get me out and about my kids pushed me to get on a dating site to "dip me toes in the pond" so to speak.  Uh... where do I start?  Lets just put it this way, when the guys asked me how one of my coffee dates went, I replied "well you gotta kiss a load of frogs before you meet your prince" . (meaning ... well you know what I mean... ) and the buggers said you mean "TOAD's Dx".. toads !  And the jokes started, with 'what happens if you see a cane toad.....'  and it just degenerated from there... the teasing I have to put up with, makes me grin.   Anyway, I've done away with all that as I just couldn't deal with the cut and dry of the uh dating sites.    As I said to my kids "well that box is ticked, done and dusted,  I did it!" Onwards and upwards

Next to find either latin or ball room classes and try the Drumming Circle , yes it's time to keep ticking off everything on the bucket list, no time like the present!  In the mean time, keep on keeping on . Hugs Dx

Begin again

It's been a mixed bag this week, I came back from Brizzie after being invited to go see a show there , had a tremendous time with the "godmother".  She booked me in for an awesome massage, ahhhh it was sooo good, I could go on for ages but then you'd have massage envy and give up reading !

We also went for a yoga class that she does weekly and I was pleasantly surprised as it was Iyengar Yoga and a discipline I was used to, even more surprising was the muscle memory of my body.  Ok don't get me wrong, I still do yoga at home, and follow some of the Yogis online and do between 20 to 30 mins every other day, so I can still groan, bend over and touch my toes  anddddd breathe at the same time! taa daa!  But Iyengar is a stricter discipline and I love all the muscle trembling moments of it, (No not masochistic) it makes me feel alive

the Catherine Tate Show at the QPAC

Which brings me to this, oh oh I can see you all holding your breaths, chill out , I"m fine, I'm still in remission and plan to be for a LOOOooooooonnngggggg time.

I had gone in recently for my regular oncology check up with a quick nip up to the vampire uh I mean hematology nurse for my blood test, this one was quite funny, she said my vein kept running away from the needle, so after a few attempts we moved to the other arm, where the vein there decided to play possum and give it up. 

Ok well minus the black plastic nurse outfit...

Aneeee how, after my chit chat with my long suffering Oncologist ,whom lets face it I've bullied, been sarky to, teased, made jokes about but is still smiling when he sees me, says "right everything is good, levels are normal for you (notice for ME) and I've got something here for you to read and go over.  It's a preventative chemo treatment called POMM" (ha ha ha ha.. stop it) " it's very low doses of chemo in a pill".

 Now in my mind I'm thinking , me and my big mouth, why did I ask him what symptoms to look out for should I be concerned about the cancer coming back,( note to self, kick your bum when you get home) thus he's pulling out the stops and we're talking chemo again.. (cue screeching to a halt sound)

So I ask my usual questions, what does it do, what are the side effects, how long will it be for... two years.. wait what?  TWO YEARS.???.. are you kidding me?  er no and there is that dreaded vincristine drip involved on a monthly basis.  I look at my doc and think, this is not the type of Christmas prezzie I was expecting dude.

This was all before I went to Brizzie so put it out of my mind until I returned and read through the bumpf... wronggg.. should have stayed ignorant of it all.. however the one thing that stood out was wha they called the median of survival for lymphoma which was 5 years.  So when he called me I said, "so are you saying I've got a possible 5 years only to live?! " He say "no not at all, it's just a general median, not based on individuals but on a group"

Now see, those sort of things do play on your mind, and with that I went in to the cancer centre as usual for my weekly get together and to speak to my Nurse there about the proposed treatment.

My Youngest Son and Daughter, at his formal.

There are a few things ....ok ok lets get a wee bit serious ok, pull up a chair and lean forward) . there are a few things I want to be clear about, I have spoken to my kids, they support me in what ever decision I make, and they know I've always said, I want quality of life as opposed to quantity of life. If for example the 5 year mark is the yard stick then I'm doing exactly what I've planned to do, that is to live life now, in this moment, with joy and gratitude in my heart, to know that I will put everything in place first as a consideration to my children (i.e. will, funeral arrangements, my own little collage of pics and music ala love actually heh heh a nutter even beyond the grave) because and I say this with all honesty, death is something we all face, weather it's now, later on in life, tomorrow, one thing is for certain, it's not something we can decide or plan.  It happens.  How it happens as well is truly out of our hands.  If you understand that there is nothing to fear from death, that it's just another journey.  The emotions you feel are due to you leaving loved ones behind, but if you are open and honest and prepare them, then death should be something celebrated, because it was a good life, it was a meaningful life, filled with the entire mixed bag of emotions, experiences and to have had the privilege of living it  and understanding why we are here.

Being a cancer survivor does not define me. in essence I am who I am with another new facet.

 So don't put off tomorrow what you can do now, today, go on that holiday you've planned for for ever, chat up that guy or girl you've always wanted to, dance naked under stars at night (but for god's sake don't let you kids catch you or they'll be scarred for life!) read all the books you want, compete in all the races or competitions you've said you wanted to do, latin dance classes, skydiving, just do it and have no regrets.  Breathe!

 I'll say this I am luckier than most, for that I am eternally grateful.  Stop blubbing, grab a tissue, I'm still here la!
with love and gratitude
Dx