Tales from the Bush, pt 4

Day 4, Daph’s Caf (the new moon in Virgo wanes)

I hear clicking on floor boards, some thumping and then some breathing, and it’s close by, do I dare open my eyes, I’m going to have to see what type of creature from beyond is about to attack me.  I look down and two pools of liquid amber are staring at me.  Ahhh morning Doggie.

Doggie

We amble off to forage for food, prod Lurch to see if he’s still alive under the doona, and settle down to some work and coffee.  Doggie’s job is to watch me work and to get underfoot every time I walk around the kitchen.  He’s good at his job I must say.  

It’s time to let the evil cluckers out of the coop, when I open their door, I use my most strident tone and tell them to “get a move on girls, no lollygagging, move it move it move it!”.. Heh Heh, and they all march out in a line.  If anyone saw me curled up in laughter by the coop they would have thought I had lost my marbles completely.

EUREKA!  2 Eggs!

 I duck under the lemon trees, which have manged to scratch up my arms when I divested them of their heavy yellow crop, and look at the roosting area for eggs.  EUREKA! Not one but two eggs!  I do a little jig, look carefully left and right so as not to create any suspicion with the “hen brigade” and leg it back to the kitchen.

I show Lurch my treasure, he just shakes his head, “ma, whatever floats your boat” he says.

As long as there are carbs and high sugar treats, the teenage is happy.

We decide it’s time to explore our surroundings.  I believe there is a rather large dwelling type space, but it doesn’t house people, instead it has row upon row of provisions,  like dead animal flesh , there is even an entire area dedicated to crops that have no roots or soil! “ MUM you twit, it’s the supermarket, lets go !” says Lurch.  Humph teens, such killjoys.

The next day I'm joined by the heavenly child and her boyfriend , we're celebrating Lurch's birthday.  It's been ages since I've driven so I'm whizzing around in the little VW, forgot what freedom having a set of wheels can give you.!  

Just raining, and raining..... and raining

The weekend is full of rain, and hail and we 're batting down the doors and windows.  Such excitement, well at least it keeps me occupied and I don't have to think about Monday which is the dreaded "M" day.  ( that's M for Medical.. yuck)  now that's going to be another adventure.  

Stay tuned as the next adventure turns dark. 

Tales from the Bush, part 3

Day 3, Daph's Caf Log (the Sun, new moon Mars, Venus, and Mercury in Virgo)

Oh will you please please shutttt uppppp, sodding birds!!,  Kookaburras sound like they’re having a mad rave up, do they not have volume control???? Doggie looks at me from the side of the bed, "time for breakfast " he says with his eyes.  It's only 6.30 am and we're in full swing.  I grab the dressing gown as the temperature has fallen, hop into slippers and trudge upstairs, bleary eyed to feed and let the dog out.  He looks at me as if to say "wot, you're not coming then?"  (he's english, so he speaks that way)

I stumble back to bed thinking I can get another hour in, BUT NO, the dog begins to bark. Well let’s check to see if someone is at the door. Oh yes, of course, delivery man, with a package (oh behave!) , the earlier the better his attitude seems to say.  I keep a grip on the dog's collar, as delivery man tries to pet the dog.  Can't you see this is a trained attack dog that can kill at 20 paces? ...Not. I think the wagging tail gives it away.  People love Labradors, full stop. 

Leader of the Pack!

The day meanders on, and it's time to let the evil chooks out for their "run".  I head down to the coop and they all gather round the door, "don't even think of rushing me again girls, I've got my ammo with me again" I tell them as I open the door.  Oh, the look of utter disdain on their faces, I swear they're actually grumbling about me.  I go and check to see if there are any eggs, there must be mutiny on the bounty, as no one as laid ANY EGGS!  Oooo, well good thing I'm not having breakfast this morning eh.

Dog and I go for a trot later, and a mad gnashing black ball of fur comes hurtling out of a house trying to attack us.  Doggie just looks at it as if to say, "oi oi, what's YOUR problem guv".  The owner of the white gnashing teeth and black fur runs after his dog and apologises profusely as everyone winds their way around me and I stand in the middle screeching "arrrggghhhhh", like the big girls blouse that I am.    Well that was the excitement for the day.

and it poured down with rain, talk about a bumpy ride!

Lurch aka youngest son arrives later that evening, hens are already in the coop, everything is quiet, looking forward to good night’s sleep. I wonder what the evil cluckers will get up to tomorrow. For now… zzzzzzz

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Tales from the Bush, Log Book 2

Day 2, Daph's Caf Log (Venus in Virgo)

After a quiet start in the moaning I mean morning, it turns into a mad day of packing, and hustling, and more packing.  The Godmother is ticking off her list like a whirling dervish.  I’ve been asked to heard and bathe the pygmies, ooops I mean kids before they are eventually shooed into The Godmothers huge batmobile, believe me it’s massive, fits all manner of clothes, bedding, food, scooters, boogie boards. you name it, the car’s swallowed it.  They finally depart, waving and honking.

I take the lovely smiling doggie out for a trot (we don't walk, we trot if you please). The roads goes at a steep gradient downhill, then a steep gradient uphill, then swerves off to the left, then a sharp right, blimey are we doing the hokey pokey here?  Anyhow, it's a good walk, I'm wheezing, doggie is panting and giving me the side stare as if to say, “come on, I got ya”, note to self, GET FITTER!  

Going down, little do you know I might be on roller blades!

Puff, puff, going UP!wheezee!

 After we've gulped down water, the dog and I that is, I head down the yard to close the coop, and the chickens... RUSH ME!  ACK!!!  The black one obviously the leader of the pack in the front of the charge, but I will not be outwitted by the evil cluckers!  I have my ammo handy and manage to hustle the rebellious ones inside and swing that coop door close with a flourish!  HAH, one for the city girl, zero for the "henny penny" gang! 

My Ammo!! I had a whole bucket full of em, he he he

Night falls, the house creaks and groans, the cicadas are making a ruckus, the dog is staring at me... ah right, snack time, for him, not me! I decide to hunker down and watch my favourite vampire series.  Uh maybe not such a good idea when you're ON YOUR OWN.  Head to bed, dog comes with me, thank goodness, restless night, where the bleedin heck is Morpheus?

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Tales from the Bush, the log book.

Day 1, Daph's Caf Log (full moon in virgo)

Have arrived finally at the Capital, forgot to eat or have a coffee in my haste to get public transport to my destination, so was grumpy with hunger.  The Godmother whisked me to a mall as she had some errands to do, there she fed and watered me, thankfully, or I would have bitten her arm off (in hunger and anger... whichever is preferable at the time...)  I've also managed to mess up my con call with my tribe so no one is gong to save me now.

We arrive at casa Godmother, and the pygmies come bounding down the stairs to greet me.  It is a common custom they say, for these albino pygmies to jump on you and wrap their arms around you, or  so I've been told. "Stop calling them PYGMIES Daph! They're kids", shouts The Godmother.  Right... David Attenborough  mode off.

The Gin Deck of the House... he he he

I've agreed to house sit for a week, this means apart from getting a 5 bedroom house on an acre of land to myself, I also have a few "chores" to do.  One of the chores is to take care of their gorgeous brown Labrador doggie who is so laid back and the other chore, that has my inner "city girl" nostrils flaring, are the "hens" aka killer chooks who need to be let out of the coop at the bottom of the yard, next to the lemon trees.  "Don't worry, they will go back in on their own once the sun goes down" assures father to the pygmies and husband to The Godmother.  uh huh, righto.

Take me for a walk pleaseeeeee

Another godmother in disguise arrives, so do more pygmies, I am being plied with champagne and quiche (caviar is so passé sweetie dahlinks).  They plot, they cackle, they speak their own coded talk, (you know, mommy speak)  I eventually flee to my cave aka the guest room which is fabulous as it's on it's own floor downstairs.   He he he, this will be a walk in the park, are my last thoughts as I fall asleep , but I wake up a little while later, heard someone snoring... oh.. it's me. zzzzzz