Dodgy Daph's Medical Adventures - Down the rabbit hole Pt 1

This is not for the faint hearted, it is a kelideskope of a ride, and we are going down The Rabbit Hole...

So Monday Come along and the "Godmother" fusses around me so she can send me to the station to go to town as the Bupa Medical Centre for visas  is in the Heart of Brisbane.  I make my way in and am early , for once,  can you believe it.. no neither can I.

The staff are pleasant and do all the usual questions, "are you pregnant"... I fell over the chair laughing... "er no my dear, the plumbing came out a long time ago! "  Mind you when I was waiting my turn I heard the receptionist asking an Asian girl who was also there to do her Medical for her Visa, if she was pregnant, the girl who obviously didn't speak much English and was more into texting her phone looked up and said "Ah?" .  The Receptionist explained, "you have ticked that you are pregnant on this file you filled out online, are you pregnant. ?  "  she says patiently.   The Girl just says " Uh no"...
So the receptionist has to go back to authorise a change in the system.  They do have their work cut out for them.

hanging out at the reception area Bupa Medical 

Eventually I get called in, it's the usual, height, weight, urine sample, questions of lifestyle.. do you drink... ha ha ha,,, well. Lets not go there.  Then it's time for my Chest X ray.  After which I have to go see the Doctor, who's Russian.  I am biting my lip, so not doing the Russian accent here.  She prods and pokes me and asks me all manner of questions and then droops the bomb on me, and says they are not "happy"  (kheappy) with my chest x- ray,  as the left side from the heart down is white instead of black.  So I asked her what it could be , "we don't know, we need some time for diagnosis" Well I asked didn't I?  Is it cancer?  Is it pneumonia?  Is it a collapsed lung" what???
"Can you stay for a little while and I will get the other consulting doctor to speak with you" Dr. Svetlana says.   I'll wait, not like I have a hot date or anything....

Dr I really don't know that much more, hasn't much to say, more like, "you will certainly have to go to the designated "chest specialist" for further investigation, so please don't go back to the Sunshine Coast Just yet, we'll probably try to contact you by four today or tomorrow morning" . I said ok but just to let you now yeah, I don't have TB, Malaysia is not a third world country, we are a developing nation and all of us have to have TB shots when we are born and another compulsory one when we are in grade 6 of school.  So ( everything else is said in my mind and rhymes with rum)

I shakily get my stuff and head downstairs, and stop by the coffee shop to get my head together as I don't know what to do.  I text "the Godmother" who is flat out and says she will call me as soon as she's got a minute.  So whilst I'm having my coffee and croissant I call my Doc in Malaysia and tell her what's happened,  She's so placating, she says  "chill sweetie, You're not displaying any symptoms, so most probably it's either consolidation or pleural effusion (water on the lung)  you had a bad cough back in Malaysia this could have cause it.  so deep breath, and chill ok ?".

at the StellaRosa getting my fav brekkie, a cafe latte and a croissant... such an easy girl to please

I was heading back and get a call for the husband of "the Godmother", hey I'm close by shall I pick you up? he says.  "Sure!, "  they are such a great caring couple these two. (you know the song Fairy tales can come true it can happen to you if you're young at heart...  it's frank sinatra ...peasant ) 

As we head home I give him a glossary of what has happened.   I now have to let my son know, who seems to take it in stride  and we hang around waiting till the next morning, no call.  I eventually get an e mail from the Bupa Centre saying "non urgent further Chest Exams" , basically saying I'll have to go for more tests and it could take any where from 2 weeks to 2 months for the appointment so to be aware for it.   Well thank you very much and we outta here. 

My son (who has now been dubbed Boney M by his Uncles due to his fro)and I had a long trip back, by the time I got home I just wanted to fall in bed and sleep for a week, but no I had 7 missed calls and numerous messages on the phone,  as I was about to hit play the phone rang and it was the Doctor form the Bupa Medical Ctr,
"Daphne we've been trying to call you all day, you have to go to emergency "
"Huh?" is my answer (lucid and succinct as usual) , "Oh why?",
 The Doctor says  "we've discovered you have a lot of Pleural Effusion on your lung and you need to go  to Emergency...now"
 "but I'm feeling fine , can't I go tomorrow" . I say...
"No, you have to go now" Says the Doctor.
Bummer, and I just got in my comfy clothes.

I call down to my daughter and her boyfriend and ask for a ride to the hospital, they take me to the Sunshine Coast University Hospital Emergency (I'm certainly not going back to Brisbane), and the receptionist checks me in, "have you got travel insurance"?  she asks, Yes I have "AIG travel Guard", excellent , they fill out my details , look at the letter from Bupa and hand me a mask to wear.. uh LIKE I HAVE TB for crying out loud.  20 minutes later the receptionist comes to me and say take the mask off luv the doctor says you're fine... (small smirk from me zero to you)

SCUH is the largest infrastructure in Australia so far

Eventually we are sent to see the attending doctor in emergency, she goes over my vitals, asks me the usual "are you vomiting blood?" no, "are you short of breath", no . "do you feel dizzy" no, "have you got night sweats" no, "have you got headaches" no, well I have now with all this palaver!  Anyway, she says we'll have to go get a whole load of X'rays done and CT scans done by them.  So I get to wear the sexy white gown that does up at the back and flaps at your butt.(thankfully and THANKFULLY as we are women and women can be VAIN, i've got me good knickers on!)  It's hospital policy everyone has to be shuttled around in a wheel chair or a bed so I'm chauffeured around from one radiology room to another! wheeeeeee.

The X'ray is done then the CT scan, of which I've never had before.  They stick a cannula in my arm and then flush some saline through.  The nurse says the machine is going to just move me in and out of the tunnel a few time and to do as it instructs.  As I'm conveyed in this electronic voice says "breathe in",  then "hold you breath please", then "breathe out"... right that was fun.  Now for the fun bit really, they have to put the blue dye in my veins, I'm really nervous by this time as I'm not really a medicine girl and hardly take anything , even hard pressed to take a panadol for a headache.  So the nurse says do you have any allergies?  Not that I know of, ok if you feel anything let us know... my heart is racing by now and my anxiety is kicking in, the die gets injected into my cannula in my arm and I'm back on the conveyor.  I tell the nurse my heart is pumping, she say you're anxious my dear, you're ok.  it won't be much longer.

they have different themes on the celing... told my gyne this ages ago...bah

Finally they take me off the CT machine, and wheel me back to the emergency room.  We sit around for a bit and then more blood tests are done.  Finally in an hour Dr big brown puppy dog eyes comes and says "hi Dx , nice to meet you but I wish it was under different circumstances, we've found a large mass on your lung and it doesn't look good" . He's saying all this to me very gently and sadly.. I feel like reaching out and patting his hand,  "so what's the bad news doc"  I ask him, he looks up and says "do you want everyone in here to hear,?"  well it's my daughter so I say yes,  He says " well we suspect it could be cancer, it doesn't look like lung cancer but we'll have to do more tests,  we're worried about the fluids in your lung so you will have to stay in hospital while we sort out what is to be done."

I turn to my daughter and see if she's ok.  "Lani, look at me, it's nothing like what daddy had ya, I"m going to be fine, what would you like to do, you want to go home?  She says "No mummy I'll stay here with you till I know what room you're in."   It's getting close to 11 pm so I send her home and will inform  her where I'll be, after they put me in the respiratory ward. They wheel me into a private room while they wait for place for me.  There's a lot to think about, it's a bit surreal, I don't feel like there is anything wrong with me, I try to shut my eyes and rest and block out all the noise,  tomorrow is going to be  weird with a capital W,  .. I"m thinking man it's the longest time I've spent in my tennis shoes...

Tales from the Bush, pt 4

Day 4, Daph’s Caf (the new moon in Virgo wanes)

I hear clicking on floor boards, some thumping and then some breathing, and it’s close by, do I dare open my eyes, I’m going to have to see what type of creature from beyond is about to attack me.  I look down and two pools of liquid amber are staring at me.  Ahhh morning Doggie.

Doggie

We amble off to forage for food, prod Lurch to see if he’s still alive under the doona, and settle down to some work and coffee.  Doggie’s job is to watch me work and to get underfoot every time I walk around the kitchen.  He’s good at his job I must say.  

It’s time to let the evil cluckers out of the coop, when I open their door, I use my most strident tone and tell them to “get a move on girls, no lollygagging, move it move it move it!”.. Heh Heh, and they all march out in a line.  If anyone saw me curled up in laughter by the coop they would have thought I had lost my marbles completely.

EUREKA!  2 Eggs!

 I duck under the lemon trees, which have manged to scratch up my arms when I divested them of their heavy yellow crop, and look at the roosting area for eggs.  EUREKA! Not one but two eggs!  I do a little jig, look carefully left and right so as not to create any suspicion with the “hen brigade” and leg it back to the kitchen.

I show Lurch my treasure, he just shakes his head, “ma, whatever floats your boat” he says.

As long as there are carbs and high sugar treats, the teenage is happy.

We decide it’s time to explore our surroundings.  I believe there is a rather large dwelling type space, but it doesn’t house people, instead it has row upon row of provisions,  like dead animal flesh , there is even an entire area dedicated to crops that have no roots or soil! “ MUM you twit, it’s the supermarket, lets go !” says Lurch.  Humph teens, such killjoys.

The next day I'm joined by the heavenly child and her boyfriend , we're celebrating Lurch's birthday.  It's been ages since I've driven so I'm whizzing around in the little VW, forgot what freedom having a set of wheels can give you.!  

Just raining, and raining..... and raining

The weekend is full of rain, and hail and we 're batting down the doors and windows.  Such excitement, well at least it keeps me occupied and I don't have to think about Monday which is the dreaded "M" day.  ( that's M for Medical.. yuck)  now that's going to be another adventure.  

Stay tuned as the next adventure turns dark. 

Tales from the Bush, part 3

Day 3, Daph's Caf Log (the Sun, new moon Mars, Venus, and Mercury in Virgo)

Oh will you please please shutttt uppppp, sodding birds!!,  Kookaburras sound like they’re having a mad rave up, do they not have volume control???? Doggie looks at me from the side of the bed, "time for breakfast " he says with his eyes.  It's only 6.30 am and we're in full swing.  I grab the dressing gown as the temperature has fallen, hop into slippers and trudge upstairs, bleary eyed to feed and let the dog out.  He looks at me as if to say "wot, you're not coming then?"  (he's english, so he speaks that way)

I stumble back to bed thinking I can get another hour in, BUT NO, the dog begins to bark. Well let’s check to see if someone is at the door. Oh yes, of course, delivery man, with a package (oh behave!) , the earlier the better his attitude seems to say.  I keep a grip on the dog's collar, as delivery man tries to pet the dog.  Can't you see this is a trained attack dog that can kill at 20 paces? ...Not. I think the wagging tail gives it away.  People love Labradors, full stop. 

Leader of the Pack!

The day meanders on, and it's time to let the evil chooks out for their "run".  I head down to the coop and they all gather round the door, "don't even think of rushing me again girls, I've got my ammo with me again" I tell them as I open the door.  Oh, the look of utter disdain on their faces, I swear they're actually grumbling about me.  I go and check to see if there are any eggs, there must be mutiny on the bounty, as no one as laid ANY EGGS!  Oooo, well good thing I'm not having breakfast this morning eh.

Dog and I go for a trot later, and a mad gnashing black ball of fur comes hurtling out of a house trying to attack us.  Doggie just looks at it as if to say, "oi oi, what's YOUR problem guv".  The owner of the white gnashing teeth and black fur runs after his dog and apologises profusely as everyone winds their way around me and I stand in the middle screeching "arrrggghhhhh", like the big girls blouse that I am.    Well that was the excitement for the day.

and it poured down with rain, talk about a bumpy ride!

Lurch aka youngest son arrives later that evening, hens are already in the coop, everything is quiet, looking forward to good night’s sleep. I wonder what the evil cluckers will get up to tomorrow. For now… zzzzzzz

-->

Tales from the Bush, Log Book 2

Day 2, Daph's Caf Log (Venus in Virgo)

After a quiet start in the moaning I mean morning, it turns into a mad day of packing, and hustling, and more packing.  The Godmother is ticking off her list like a whirling dervish.  I’ve been asked to heard and bathe the pygmies, ooops I mean kids before they are eventually shooed into The Godmothers huge batmobile, believe me it’s massive, fits all manner of clothes, bedding, food, scooters, boogie boards. you name it, the car’s swallowed it.  They finally depart, waving and honking.

I take the lovely smiling doggie out for a trot (we don't walk, we trot if you please). The roads goes at a steep gradient downhill, then a steep gradient uphill, then swerves off to the left, then a sharp right, blimey are we doing the hokey pokey here?  Anyhow, it's a good walk, I'm wheezing, doggie is panting and giving me the side stare as if to say, “come on, I got ya”, note to self, GET FITTER!  

Going down, little do you know I might be on roller blades!

Puff, puff, going UP!wheezee!

 After we've gulped down water, the dog and I that is, I head down the yard to close the coop, and the chickens... RUSH ME!  ACK!!!  The black one obviously the leader of the pack in the front of the charge, but I will not be outwitted by the evil cluckers!  I have my ammo handy and manage to hustle the rebellious ones inside and swing that coop door close with a flourish!  HAH, one for the city girl, zero for the "henny penny" gang! 

My Ammo!! I had a whole bucket full of em, he he he

Night falls, the house creaks and groans, the cicadas are making a ruckus, the dog is staring at me... ah right, snack time, for him, not me! I decide to hunker down and watch my favourite vampire series.  Uh maybe not such a good idea when you're ON YOUR OWN.  Head to bed, dog comes with me, thank goodness, restless night, where the bleedin heck is Morpheus?

-->

Tales from the Bush, the log book.

Day 1, Daph's Caf Log (full moon in virgo)

Have arrived finally at the Capital, forgot to eat or have a coffee in my haste to get public transport to my destination, so was grumpy with hunger.  The Godmother whisked me to a mall as she had some errands to do, there she fed and watered me, thankfully, or I would have bitten her arm off (in hunger and anger... whichever is preferable at the time...)  I've also managed to mess up my con call with my tribe so no one is gong to save me now.

We arrive at casa Godmother, and the pygmies come bounding down the stairs to greet me.  It is a common custom they say, for these albino pygmies to jump on you and wrap their arms around you, or  so I've been told. "Stop calling them PYGMIES Daph! They're kids", shouts The Godmother.  Right... David Attenborough  mode off.

The Gin Deck of the House... he he he

I've agreed to house sit for a week, this means apart from getting a 5 bedroom house on an acre of land to myself, I also have a few "chores" to do.  One of the chores is to take care of their gorgeous brown Labrador doggie who is so laid back and the other chore, that has my inner "city girl" nostrils flaring, are the "hens" aka killer chooks who need to be let out of the coop at the bottom of the yard, next to the lemon trees.  "Don't worry, they will go back in on their own once the sun goes down" assures father to the pygmies and husband to The Godmother.  uh huh, righto.

Take me for a walk pleaseeeeee

Another godmother in disguise arrives, so do more pygmies, I am being plied with champagne and quiche (caviar is so passé sweetie dahlinks).  They plot, they cackle, they speak their own coded talk, (you know, mommy speak)  I eventually flee to my cave aka the guest room which is fabulous as it's on it's own floor downstairs.   He he he, this will be a walk in the park, are my last thoughts as I fall asleep , but I wake up a little while later, heard someone snoring... oh.. it's me. zzzzzz

Well hello hard, solid and ... shiny

eurgghh can't even do up my shoe laces!

Ah another day, another twinge in a muscle somewhere!  No no I wasn't up all night playing twister! (I'd probably be in traction if that!).  As part of my new beginning in a new county,  I've also joined a yoga class, introduced to me by my sister in law here (yes!  I have them everywhere! just kidding, but then again I do have 3 brothers ), we shall abbreviate that to SIL from now on yeaaa.  Anyways,  SIL took me to her yoga studio last night for a sesh.  Really enjoyed it, tried not to look at all the beautiful ladies around me with too much envy, and kept the one pack (gone are the days of 6 packs or washboard abs, huge sigh) firmly sucked in.  Love the free flow yoga they practice, so different form the discipline of Iyengar Yoga I was practicing, I can still hear my Yogi saying "this is a not a ballet class Daphne, do not point your toes!".. eeepppp.

Have a look at their website Zenko Yoga

With everything new, I've also had to get a new lap top as mine died on me a couple of weeks ago, quite a funny story really, no really it is funny in retrospect.  I've had my macbook pro for 5 years, those machines are brilliant,  I think dropping it at the airport (after many little "oopsies" ) was the final kabosh, and my fantastic Mac said "right, that's it, I'm done wif ya, go abuse another lap top". So I found a place that repaired mac's and went in,
and said "hello, can you help me, I've dropped my lappie and it's not powering up properly" .
He took one look at me and said "don't tell me it's a mac book pro" .
I said "it's a mac book pro".
If he could have rolled his eyes he would have but, Mr I'm cool , I got tattoos up the wazoo and big baggy shorts, just smiled and took my precious to go have a quick look over.  5 minutes later he came out
and said, "do you have home insurance comp"?,
I said "no, so hit me with it",
He said "we have to change the entire casing and it's going to cost ya,  I suggest you go get a new laptop".  
And there you go, so now I'm using the new mac book air, as paranoid nerdette backed up everything to an external hard drive that has more than 1T and can access any file any time without excess baggage or bulk.  know what I mean?

Talking about bulk, oohh behave, I'm still on tech here, we can leave all the wobbly bits out, just for this blog.  My other bit of newness is a domestic one, yeah I wish, we all want a Puerto Rican pool boy who looks like a GQ pin up, but NO, I'm talking about vacuum cleaners.  Oi hang on a minute, it might not sound sexy to you but it's still part of our daily lives.
Whilst staying with my galpal when we first got here, I noticed she had an Aussie Vac Ducted Vacuum system  installed.  Which is great as you can just plug the hose in anywhere in the house , but you still needed to physically hold the vacuum and clean.  Seeing as I was about to move into a new home,  I started doing some research on robotic vacuum cleaners,  several of my friends in Asia have them and say they work a treat.  Well guess who's got one now to help around the house eh.  The kids have dubbed it "robo" Very original, succinct and easy to remember (however I will not allow them to name pets ).

There must be a program in me that I can erase because I catch myself following the dang thing sometimes!  It's great to do a general clean, so while I'm in the kitchen in the morning doing my usual prep, I just let it go.  The house is clean in 20 minutes and I haven't even broken a SWEAT .  Mind you, I still have to nag the kids to help mop the house and do the corners.... wonder if they'll come up with a machine for that .....
In the mean time, have a great week ahead, drop me a line if you feel like it, or just say hey. Dx

Looks like a flying saucer innit!

Hello New World!

Hello! Hello!  my first blog of 2017!  Well it's been a tremendous year so far, and I'm loving every moment.  A really good friend of mine just gave me a gentle nudge about the blog so I've decided to start filling in all the blanks since 2016

I left off last year when Kudsia Kahar my media partner and myself started stirring our couldrons, ooh yea we are up to something.  We're currently sourcing for sponsorship as the entire show we've put together is ready to roll out.

It was such a whirlwind of packing, packing packing, selling off and giving away all my worldly goods, yes I got rid of everything I had in my house , well except for the kids of course!!! I had decided I was moving and that was that.  Gave notice to the landlord, gave the car to the mechanic to sort out, uploaded all my stuff on the preloved goods website and everything else I gave away to charity.

I remember sitting there amongst all my stuff wondering if I'd ever be done packing.  Geezzz how much have I accumulated???! My kids retort "well we've been here for 9 year mum what did you expect!"  9 years??!!! Oh my gawd,  time has really just flown by it was supposed to be a 2 year stop gap....
However sometimes life grabs you by the short and curlies and says "oi, wake up, it's time to go forth and explore some better options, gtfo babe!"

And better options there are, we have made the big move, left our country lifted skirts and legged it. We're now in the land down under, immersing ourselves in the laid back lifestyle of the sunnysiders, learning not to say 'slippers' but 'thongs'  and trying not to grin while 'the thong song' plays in my mind every time they correct me!

so along with a new phone number and address, there are also numerous new online sites to do your shopping from, and like most there are cookies and little feedback pop ups which I invariably fill out, because I'm like that!!

This also gives third party marketers your info and then the Tele marketers begin to call, I've had 8 calls so far. Look I know everyone rolls their eyeballs at this, and says grrr they are such a pain in the "beep" , ( ok bum, I said it, I'm not a prude 😜) but think about it, what the person at the other end of the phone has to go through mentally to speak to you, a complete stranger, and try to sell their product in the most innovative non pushy way.

I really feel for them and so I usually give them the time of day to finish their speil, then let them down gently, it is a hard job and kudos to them. I've managed to giggle along to someone trying to sell me funeral insurance, commiserate with someone who was from the seeing  eye dog association to being thanked for being so nice by Raymondo who was from a telco company, he said "you're the kindest person so far,  who has spoken to me, have a great day! " And you know what, I did have a great day!. I've been harping on taking your time to smell that heavenly Columbian coffee for the last few blogs, what is the rush? Where are we all going in such a hurry? Why can't we give  our fellow man a hand after all we could be that person too..no?

You all have a great week ahead, I've got a few more topics brewing that I'd like to throw your way but if you do get a telemarketer calling, don't hang up, they're just doing their job. Dx