A long time coming

Sakinah

It's taken me months to finally sit down and write this blog as hard as it was then as it is now. Lets just rip the bandaid off and go for it. One of my best friends whom I've blogged about under the nickname 'Kina" passed away a few months ago from cancer. I hadn't realised how much it affected me until the black dog of depression was barking in my face. I saw all the FB posts, the texts from friends, messages and calls. I really didn't want to reach out, the only ones were to her beloved husband, her beautiful and strong children and some of her sisters and brothers I have contact with. I don't want this blog to be about heartache and sadness because in many quiet moments of meditation I see her in her tight leather pants, figure hugging top that used to highlight her boobs and show off her perpetual tan and lovely broad shoulders and that really cheeky smile she had with a small nod to me. She's in a good space.

Sakinah, Stace and I (front row) Sarah, not sure and Sophiane back row

I met Kina through another friend in Kuala lumpur, she was a sister of a good friend as well. So whenever she flew in from France we'd all get together and have a great time either having drinks by the pool or dinner out or at her sister's house. She was an incredible designer and seamstress. Trained by the best in France, she's dressed most of the socialites and was very much in demand! 

 When she first made the move to KL we'd go off and have drinks, meet people , talk about her designs, if she didn't speak and was looking into the distance I knew she was concocting a design in her head. She dragged me to so many fabric stores and haberdasheries I've lost count (oh the glazing over of eyes as she picked up another bolt of fabric), she educated me in colour palettes(her fav was plums, greys and silver), she insisted on helping me decorate my home as her's was just so beautiful (hence the caramel shag rug and sand leather overstuffed couch). 

 She helped me through my grief of loosing my husband to cancer,( "c'mon, you're not going to stay young forever, live a little !" ) she was there for me when I had a major operation done ( "did you ask them to do a tummy tuck as well D whilst they were rummaging around in there? "... "shaddap Kina and go away I'm in pain") We spent so many nights at her place eating and sipping wine and talking about everything, and then she fell in love with her now husband! The constant "are you off the damn phone yet Kina, just say goodbye to him! we gotta go!", or can you please stop "texting" him I'm talking to you or hey where did "Kina go?"

Paul an Sakinah

My family always asked if she wasn't with me at some function where's your other half ? My mother and late father who had met her separately, really liked her. My dad would try to converse with her in French and flirt like mad... typical!  When my mum came down from UK,  Sakinah and I had given her a lift to a club to go meet her friends aka cronies aka the ageless with attitude.  When mum got out of the car her  friends grasped her in an embrace and they walked off into the club arm in arm.  I'll never forget Sakinah looking at me and saying "one day D, that's gonna be you and me" I looked at her and laughed, " well I know for sure you'd be wearing hella sexier clothes! " we drove off cackling.

Zuzu, D , Kina and Stash

Her kids were great, so smart, so clever and so together just like their Maman, yes they had a few squeaks here and there of trouble, but Aunty D smiled and kept her mouth shut. She worried about them, their meals when she was caught up working late, or their school, their transportation, their well being and teaching them independence! what an incredible mum. Through all that had been thrown at her she persevered, and turned dust to gold.    

Her reputation grew, and she became very social, her husband (who was then her.. ee gadds dare we say boyfriend? ok partner?) and Kina had moved in together and were now a firm item.  Work was taking me everywhere so our little get togethers became less frequent but we always spoke and manage to catch up, she was now moving  in a different circle of friends, they wanted her attention, her opinion, to be her best friend! It was wonderful for her. 

The Marine Ball

We went to Cambodia together as that was the country of her birth, her sister was getting married, at a beach resort the family owned, she told me stories of how they escaped the Khmer Rouge and what they had to leave behind. The rich tapestry of Cambodia and the mixture of Khmer and French was amazing, her friends from Cambodia respected her so much. The wedding ceremony at the resort was amazing, as a nod to one of their Indian ancestors the ladies all dressed in Saris, and the guests that turned up  were enchanted with Kina. She had that "je ne sais quai".

Sylvia an Kina in their beautiful saris.

As life meandered on and I was yo yo ing between, production, no jobs, radio (waking up to early to be coherent by the time afternoon hit)  we would get together for our own personal supper club, sometimes it was 3 of us with my other bestie Peggers or four if we could rope in another one brave enough to join!. The deal was every one would take a turn hosting the meal, and would talk about the dish they prepared that evening and what it meant to them. ( did I tell you I'm a food anthropology geek?) I loved the friendly competitive spirit we had when hosting!  

 The day finally came when I was leaving Malaysia, Sakinah and her husband invited me to theirs for a pre drink before dinner out, (she had no idea her friends had thrown her a surprise birthday party! he he). When we were saying our goodbyes outside the restaurant, it was poignant as she was leaving for the states with her husband to start a new life there. We took a load of pics and were chuckling away like old times. When I got home she texted me and said, "hey Paul said this is probably the last time we'll see you as we're leaving for the states and you're going to Oz". I said "yea unless you come over" (as her kids were settled in Australia too ,yea we all travelled a lot) . She said "or you come to the States and I'll find you a really good man! " (ahhh yes.. that ol chestnut!)

2017

That was the last time I saw her. She had planned to give me a surprise visit in Oz just after I came out of my cancer treatment, so when she called to say she had suspected cancer, I said "why do you have to copy everything I do?!" I could feel her rolling her eyeballs from the other side of the phone!. We spoke on and off for the next couple of years while she was diagnosed and treated and then the communication eventually went silent.  So my darling wonderful amazing creative friend who would pull me up and give me a talking to , who said "I made D cry.. but I had to do it!" who took care of her 12 siblings single handedly, who did right by her family and friends, who believed in a parallel universe, who loved her kids and man fiercely. I bid you adieu for now. 

We think about you always 

We talk about you still 

You have never been forgotten 

And you never will 

We hold you close within our hearts 

And there you will remain

 To walk and guide us through our lives 

Until we meet again 

 with love Dx