To say that I have a small hangover would be quite an understatement... who needs to do damage with wine in France when one can do it here very easily...aspirins I love you, you are my bestest friends.. hic.. ooppss..
Well I knew my FORMER best friend Gina would bunk out on me last night. Since Louis is in Italy, one would think she'd be partying like before, but no..
So I rock into the Hilton hotel and the valet tells me the doo is on the 6th floor in the ballroom .. I'm double checking OK, as I'm on my own, don't want to walk into someones wedding and have to sit with some strange folk eating some exotic 6 course meal just to be polite!
Anyway I head up and get stuck in the lift with not one .. oh no.. that would have been too kind, but about 8 very very and very (did I say very?) smelly sweaty people, even my perfume couldn't overpower the reek of b.o.(what is it with the no showering after walking around in the heat and sweating like a horse deal?) They're asking me "omm were is der pardy?" "we would like to come as well" .. I'm doing a Mr bean impersonation in the lift and looking at the numbers on the panel holding my breath, trying not to look like I understand engrrisshh!
Phew! I think as the lift doors open, I step out and flee! I try to saunter in to the function room gracefully, I'm wearing a bright fuchsia dress with soft pink flowers on it and beading, it's cut pretty ... well.. low.. so I've got to stand straight.. in case .. you know what( overexposed cleavage .. not a pretty sight) .. anyway..So I'm sauntering in and girls at the reception table are looking at me with those polite glazed over looks
"and you are?" asks the petite door girl
Deep breath, very low voice " I'm D x "..
"oh".. quick scurrying.. and I get tagged.. with a paper band around my wrist that says VIP.. what? what? viper in progress? very iggy pop??
So I head to the entrance and the photographer is clicking away at a couple and I'm told to wait. You know when you do that one two step to try to move forward and you have to step back coz of on coming traffic?? That was me and I wasn't line dancing! So anyway photographer finishes and I'm about to step in and she 's looking at me with this question mark on her face. I put her out of her misery "it's OK, no need for pics, I'm on my own, I'll just go straight in .." jeez... ya think being single is akin to being a leper nowdays!
I slowly walk through looking for my old class mate who was the co organiser of this event. What a former hot shot Lawyer who was also titled , is doing in Events now is totally beyond me, but I'm sure I'll get an explanation eventually.
There is no one I recognise, I keep on walking till I get to the bar at the end of the room and at the last island table is Wanda, an editor of a new and upcoming magazine, she's standing there with her girlfriend and giving me a cheesy grin. "Hey!" "Where HAVE you been?" Wanda was one of the regulars at Bar Blond when I used to go there for drinks with the girls or for the Blond Idol nights. I air kiss her cheeks and say " I've given up going out for lent" She introduces me to her girlfriend, I notice they're both wearing the same necklaces.. how cute..
I turn to get a drink off the waiter's tray and Stephan rolls up to me with his usual cheeky smile. Stephan is a journalist as well, whom I've known since my radio days, he used to write articles about us when we were in the biz.. "D, since you're in the line of work and all that, do you have any MTV post party passes?"
"Pardon?" I say
"post party passes? " he says again. (Try saying post party passes really fast 10 times..)
I look at Steven and say "why would you think I'd have any and , who'd want to go?"
"I would" Stephan says..
Sigh, he's still so Billboard's Hot 10 Hits. Anyway, it's the usual move and schmooze, and I'm standing at the table thinking,if it wasn't for my ol school chum, I'd be at home, online to Ana, having a cackle. I'm supposed to have given up smoking but I really need a fag now and I'm talking the smoking kind.. . Wanda goes off with her girl friend and says she'll be back, and for me to not go inside the main ball room without her. OooK. I'm the rock that everyone clings too today...
Stephan says he'll be back in a sec, he's decided to hang around me tonight as I'm on my own... repeat line.. I'm the rock they everyone is clinging to today...
The moment they step away, a load of Singaporeans come up to the table I'm standing at, I mean out of the dozens of tables around the foyer of the ballroom, WHY my table?? And have you noticed how utterly utterly DISGUSTINGLY HORRIBLE the Singaporean accent is? (I have nothing against them.. realllyyyyy *innocent look*) AND boy are they LOUD!! after talking over me and around me one of them says, "sorry ah, if we're a bit loud" Well , not one to mince with my words, I say " Yes , a BIT loud" sarcastically. I think he gets miffed at the "ice out" from me and steps away. . I text Stephan and say "get your butt back here, I will not deal with dickheads alone"
He's back in 2 mins and says "c'mon lets schmooze around," it's amazing the things one sees when one is out. Who's going out with whom, who's having an affair with whom, who's got TERRIBLE taste in clothes, who wears TOO little.( why do we waste so much time doing all this?? aAgood DVD at home would have been so much more pleasant or throwing peanuts at the tv whilst watching the Kardashians!) I'm grinning away and doing the "hello dahhhlinkk, how are youuuu," bit and finally spot my ol school chum, she's got a walkie talkie in one hand, a pda in the other and a frown on her forehead.
"HEY! " "WOMAN"! I shout at her, her eyes open wide and she grins at me and mouths "I'll be with you in a sec!"
The main doors open for the show, you got your usual gyrating girls in little wee shorts and boob tubes with lit torches and what not. Yeah, yeah I'm thinking, whoopdee doo, and start heading to the island table closest to the bar with Stephan and Wanda, who've found me along the way, and park myself there for the rest of the night, well for the next hour and half anyway.
While the show is going on, I'm getting texts from Sam who is Gina's golfing buddy
" Oi D, get your fat ass down here, we've got drinks at the bar" He's at Zee bar one floor down with James who's also a golfing buddy but also Gina's and my lawyer.
I text back " Is Gina there?"
Sam replies " Louis calling her house phone to check on her eh"
which means NO! he he he, ah women... what can I say.
People are coming up to greet me, I think I must have used most of my tube of lip gloss from all the cheeks I kissed, some man of unknown origins walks past me and says "you must go and thank your parents for your features... " HUH? what was that all about? My butt gets patted and I turn around and it's Jingles, a musician friend of mine from London, his lovely black hair in tiny plats,
"oi oi", I say,
"D, corr you look gorgeous luv, where's Gina? "
I say "At home in bed man, she's getting lazy about going out"
He says "yeah, did she tell you I bumped into her and her man"
we both roll our eyes and he dashes off to play the next set on stage.
My old school chum comes over eventually, as she was the only reason I came to this do, and introduced me to her husband, and family members and then dragged over some other old school chums and there was much hugging and squeals of delight and catching up going on ( I was in an all girls school prior to leaving my country)
I realised it was time to go when one of the ministers with his very 'horrible head rug' was standing very close by. I was eventually introduced to him " Yes yes he says, "we've met many times, but I'm afraid to come and say hello with all your boyfriends around" and holds his hands up and pretends to tremble. " Oh ha ha ha" I laugh politely, and pinch my girlfriend for introducing him, yes I've met him twice before, under official circumstances, in his office, and NOT at social gatherings..
I turn to Stephan to tell him I'm going, and he says "relax D, stay just a little longer please, the music is getting good" Stephen has, for most of the night, been trying to find some girl I introduced him to, whom he has endearingly referred to as "the big kajongas girl" I can't remember who she is. and in between his search he's been bopping around me! Sigh, "OK" just a bit, as I have to go downstairs to meet some friends"
More of my girlfriends are standing around me, and as I look around to catch a waiter when I lock eyes with this very cute Chinese guy, who grins at me, umm.. I smile back... OK.. I always get confused when Chinese guys do this to me as I always think I must be the last person in the world they'd be attracted to, as my features are the polar opposite of theirs. I get my drink, more introductions, clinking of glasses and as I look up, cute oriental guy is looking at me from his table, he's got a lovely Armani suit on, open crisp cotton white shirt and obviously weight lifts. He still smiling at me, I'm intrigued, then he , get this, he crooks his finger at me to beckon me over! I turn around grab my bag, say goodbye to all at the table, tell them to say goodbye to Stephan as he's off again, and zoom out of the ballroom quick to Zee bar.
HE HE HE escape! I mean, hello, crook your finger at ME???? uh huh.my mother taught my brothers more manners than that thank goodness..
I head in to Zee bar looking for the culprits who sent me such rude texts, and find Sam and James at the usual corner of the bar we stand at, they are with two really cute bubbly girls. James asks me what I want to drink, and I say water, he looks at me and says "D, I said a DRINK!!"
Ok ok, I tell him red wine, I get both, water and red wine, I drink the water down as I've got to drive home and don't want to be tiddled driving.
Sam's got some friends at the bar as well, one of them has got Sam's shirt sleeve stuffed in his mouth as he's staring at me, James looks at him, rolls his eyes and says to me, "here D, let me introduce you to Ben" I laugh and say hello, and then James introduced me to the rest of them, they turn out to be the devil incarnate, as I'm trying to sober up they're trying to get me more drinks! We're all giggling about Gina and her self imposed exile from the club. The guys are dancing with their girlies on the dance floor, then they're swinging me around on the dance floor, and after the second glass of wine that has been pressed into my hand, James says 'c'mon lets go", as it's getting late and some guys are paying me unwanted attention. I get home in one piece, James calls to check if I've made in back OK, and I crash out thinking I always have a much better time with my mates just having a few and a laugh, now I know why I don't want to go out to rara doos anymore.. IT"S TIRING!!! Dx