Raise your Glass (Pink)

 Well another year has zoomed by. Hard to imagine so much has happened within this year.  First the CT scans to figure out why my carotid artery was so swollen, then in emergency and then hospital for a bit, a new diagnosis as I was "misdiagnosed" , the tumour is inoperable but I did the radiation, had  the best care, tumour has shrunk, pledged allegiance to my wellness mentor on taking the supplements that are helping me on the reg, felt phychic when I knew the 1kg bag of skittles that was handed to me by my daughter to help with some of the bitter meds would NOT be eaten by me (ha ha hah and I was right,  the midnight shuffles into my room by two legged creatures was on point!)  laughed with the many wonderful volunteer drivers from Bloomhill, who took me in every day for 6 weeks to ACS for my treatment, did  the Conga with the radiation Techies and nurses on my last day,  told everyone I got a few tattoos (it was for the radiation... but I'm thinking of a proper one... hmmm)  lobbed off my long hair to the former cleopatra look I used to have as a lot of hair fell out during treatment but was told that "radiation doesn't cause hair loss.. one also has to look at one's age..."Well colour me purple... was coddled by my close friend and healer who helped me stay in the zone and just get through it all, she made me envious as heck when she went away for a month to travel through France, Greece, Egypt and had the nerve to text me whilst she was on a house boat on the river Nile! but it just made me more determined to travel again! another birthday came and went, another Christmas, and during all this  dodged and swerved around the Covid Crises Delta and now sitting in the eye of the Omicron storm.   

The Clowns cheering me up on the last day

Between all of that I bit the bullet and decided to try dating again... whoaa that's a lot of raised eyebrows.. well when you realise that tick tock, now is the time, you go and do what you can.  Unfortunately the dating online thingy just didn't work for me, I'm gonna admit, and you all can groan and make noises as much as you want, I'm an old fashioned romantic.  You gotta connect face to face with the person, energy, chemistry, what ever you want to call it!  Looking at pictures and reading stats is what I did for my modelling agency when we were putting talent up for commercials not dates!!  however I did make a couple of wonderful friends from that! (always look on the bright side of life) 

 I  finally went back to Adelaide to visit my besties as I had to cancel the trip due to my prognosis, had a total blast, did a load of videoing,  ate a lot, drank a lot, gained weight a lot.. ha ha ha.. I got my junk in mah trunk back dat is for shore! Met some fab people, flirted a little, hey I still have a pulse!

Me and Miz P

Then when I returned I went .. wait for it.. camping!  Oh yea... those images of the bush with no loos and mozzies flying everywhere can now be expunged from your grey matter, I was told I did a version of what people now call uh Glamping! heh heh whatevveeerrr. 

Getting the Wetta in the Water...

It's called a SWAG!

The Regatta set up
 

I had tons of fun, was taken sailing on a Wetta,  which was exhilarating , it's been awhile since I've been on a "boat" , then did some kayaking with a friend on the lake whilst the sailing regatta was on and discovered "hey I got the energy and capacity to do this!", which led me to take down my road bike, give her a little sweet lovin and start over on the riding.  I even bought a pair of .. PURPLE ROLLER SKATES!  go me! he he he. ok ok now that was my daughter's fault, no really, it was ALL her fault, she wanted to start roller skating, asked me if I would join her,  COERCED me into buying a pair of skates and bam! howsyerfather!

Told ya they were purple

Lastly but not least, I've been working on something I've loosely called The Art of Giving, , I'm launching it in the next couple of weeks, took my own sweet time to get it together, but it's ready now and I hope you'll be  there to watch the launch and support me.

In my quiet moments between Christmas and Boxing day, I raised a glass to the Universe, the Angels, those spiritual guides and the ancestors who keep any eye on us all who are earthbound and said "Thank you, I'm still here, I'm alive and I am well". 

Yes it's been a tough year, we've all had to really dig deep, cry, rage and do some deeeeppp meditation,    So I say to you all 

What can be said in New Year rhymes, 

That’s not been said a thousand times? 

The new years come, the old years go, 

We know we dream, we dream we know. 

We rise up laughing with the light, 

We lie down weeping with the night. 

We hug the world until it stings, 

We curse it then and sigh for wings. 

We live, we love, we woo, we wed, 

We wreathe our prides, we sheet our dead. 

We laugh, we weep, we hope, we fear, 

And that’s the burden of a year.

From A Poem for Every Winter Day

An Incredibly Awesome New Year to all of you, may you all be happy, loved, safe and healthy.

Dx

Cheers!

A long time coming

Sakinah

It's taken me months to finally sit down and write this blog as hard as it was then as it is now. Lets just rip the bandaid off and go for it. One of my best friends whom I've blogged about under the nickname 'Kina" passed away a few months ago from cancer. I hadn't realised how much it affected me until the black dog of depression was barking in my face. I saw all the FB posts, the texts from friends, messages and calls. I really didn't want to reach out, the only ones were to her beloved husband, her beautiful and strong children and some of her sisters and brothers I have contact with. I don't want this blog to be about heartache and sadness because in many quiet moments of meditation I see her in her tight leather pants, figure hugging top that used to highlight her boobs and show off her perpetual tan and lovely broad shoulders and that really cheeky smile she had with a small nod to me. She's in a good space.

Sakinah, Stace and I (front row) Sarah, not sure and Sophiane back row

I met Kina through another friend in Kuala lumpur, she was a sister of a good friend as well. So whenever she flew in from France we'd all get together and have a great time either having drinks by the pool or dinner out or at her sister's house. She was an incredible designer and seamstress. Trained by the best in France, she's dressed most of the socialites and was very much in demand! 

 When she first made the move to KL we'd go off and have drinks, meet people , talk about her designs, if she didn't speak and was looking into the distance I knew she was concocting a design in her head. She dragged me to so many fabric stores and haberdasheries I've lost count (oh the glazing over of eyes as she picked up another bolt of fabric), she educated me in colour palettes(her fav was plums, greys and silver), she insisted on helping me decorate my home as her's was just so beautiful (hence the caramel shag rug and sand leather overstuffed couch). 

 She helped me through my grief of loosing my husband to cancer,( "c'mon, you're not going to stay young forever, live a little !" ) she was there for me when I had a major operation done ( "did you ask them to do a tummy tuck as well D whilst they were rummaging around in there? "... "shaddap Kina and go away I'm in pain") We spent so many nights at her place eating and sipping wine and talking about everything, and then she fell in love with her now husband! The constant "are you off the damn phone yet Kina, just say goodbye to him! we gotta go!", or can you please stop "texting" him I'm talking to you or hey where did "Kina go?"

Paul an Sakinah

My family always asked if she wasn't with me at some function where's your other half ? My mother and late father who had met her separately, really liked her. My dad would try to converse with her in French and flirt like mad... typical!  When my mum came down from UK,  Sakinah and I had given her a lift to a club to go meet her friends aka cronies aka the ageless with attitude.  When mum got out of the car her  friends grasped her in an embrace and they walked off into the club arm in arm.  I'll never forget Sakinah looking at me and saying "one day D, that's gonna be you and me" I looked at her and laughed, " well I know for sure you'd be wearing hella sexier clothes! " we drove off cackling.

Zuzu, D , Kina and Stash

Her kids were great, so smart, so clever and so together just like their Maman, yes they had a few squeaks here and there of trouble, but Aunty D smiled and kept her mouth shut. She worried about them, their meals when she was caught up working late, or their school, their transportation, their well being and teaching them independence! what an incredible mum. Through all that had been thrown at her she persevered, and turned dust to gold.    

Her reputation grew, and she became very social, her husband (who was then her.. ee gadds dare we say boyfriend? ok partner?) and Kina had moved in together and were now a firm item.  Work was taking me everywhere so our little get togethers became less frequent but we always spoke and manage to catch up, she was now moving  in a different circle of friends, they wanted her attention, her opinion, to be her best friend! It was wonderful for her. 

The Marine Ball

We went to Cambodia together as that was the country of her birth, her sister was getting married, at a beach resort the family owned, she told me stories of how they escaped the Khmer Rouge and what they had to leave behind. The rich tapestry of Cambodia and the mixture of Khmer and French was amazing, her friends from Cambodia respected her so much. The wedding ceremony at the resort was amazing, as a nod to one of their Indian ancestors the ladies all dressed in Saris, and the guests that turned up  were enchanted with Kina. She had that "je ne sais quai".

Sylvia an Kina in their beautiful saris.

As life meandered on and I was yo yo ing between, production, no jobs, radio (waking up to early to be coherent by the time afternoon hit)  we would get together for our own personal supper club, sometimes it was 3 of us with my other bestie Peggers or four if we could rope in another one brave enough to join!. The deal was every one would take a turn hosting the meal, and would talk about the dish they prepared that evening and what it meant to them. ( did I tell you I'm a food anthropology geek?) I loved the friendly competitive spirit we had when hosting!  

 The day finally came when I was leaving Malaysia, Sakinah and her husband invited me to theirs for a pre drink before dinner out, (she had no idea her friends had thrown her a surprise birthday party! he he). When we were saying our goodbyes outside the restaurant, it was poignant as she was leaving for the states with her husband to start a new life there. We took a load of pics and were chuckling away like old times. When I got home she texted me and said, "hey Paul said this is probably the last time we'll see you as we're leaving for the states and you're going to Oz". I said "yea unless you come over" (as her kids were settled in Australia too ,yea we all travelled a lot) . She said "or you come to the States and I'll find you a really good man! " (ahhh yes.. that ol chestnut!)

2017

That was the last time I saw her. She had planned to give me a surprise visit in Oz just after I came out of my cancer treatment, so when she called to say she had suspected cancer, I said "why do you have to copy everything I do?!" I could feel her rolling her eyeballs from the other side of the phone!. We spoke on and off for the next couple of years while she was diagnosed and treated and then the communication eventually went silent.  So my darling wonderful amazing creative friend who would pull me up and give me a talking to , who said "I made D cry.. but I had to do it!" who took care of her 12 siblings single handedly, who did right by her family and friends, who believed in a parallel universe, who loved her kids and man fiercely. I bid you adieu for now. 

We think about you always 

We talk about you still 

You have never been forgotten 

And you never will 

We hold you close within our hearts 

And there you will remain

 To walk and guide us through our lives 

Until we meet again 

 with love Dx

Tofu Patties

What's it like on the other side humans?

Would it be strange to say that it feels like we're coming out of hybernation from the COVID lockdown instead of going into hybernation as we go into winter , er we're in the Southern Hemisphere, winter solstice was yesterday in Oceania, yes the world is upside-down)

winter solstice in OZ

I've hopped back on me bike and been trying to go at least 2 or 3 times a week to get these unused glutes, quads and hams back in to some semblance of shape and strength.  I get a lot of "c'mon gal, keep going" " and you can do it" as I huff and puff my way up little inclines.  It does put a grin on my face when I don't have to get off the bike anymore and push it up the hill! ha ha ha .

Looking around me the world has gone slightly out of focus,  we're led by what we read in the media, who as we all know love to hype up events.  it's akin to standing at the edge of a cliff watching the world disintegrating in some parts and bloom in others.  Strange times indeed.

who can forget the Italians singing and making music from their balconies

However I've now proudly joined the nana brigade! Oh yes my friends, along with two other friends who've coincidentally also had their grand babies born a few weeks apart from my lovely lovely little grandson.  I cannot tell you the joy I feel inside.  When my son broke the news to me at New Years, my response was "please don't joke , because if this is true , it is the best , best , most awesome news I've had".   And lo I received a pic of their ultrasound scan.  Cried like Bridget Jones, danced across the hall like Hugh Grant, and did the fist pumps like Flo Jo! The only draw back is I still can't see the little bubba, as I'm on the opposite end of the word and the UK is still under lockdown.  From what we've been told , international flights might not occur till next year.  So thank you Zoom and thank you Skype, there are times when you can't beat technology.

My little bubba

I did make a resolution, and that  was I'd start doing more videos , especially cooking ones, as I've been delving into more plant based cooking, pushing boundaries to find ways and means to make tasty food (I've got the vegan kimchi down pat yo). However, (yes there is a however) my clip to hold my camera in place on the tripod snapped like an old trout, and the replacement has yet to arrive, all international mail is taking time, but I'm still grateful to our lovely posties and curriers, you guys rock.!  Plus with everyone at home, it's kinda hard to look at the camera and chat when you hear "maaaauuuummmmm, do you have....(insert whatever here if you have kids) So here's hoping I'll be back to it in by next week. cross fingers and toes everyone!

Oh and by the way, I bit the bullet, went in for my eye check up as I was a chicken shit and was worried it would be cataracts due to the steroid drops I had to put in my eyes as part of  what chemo treatment required.  Luckily it's just more eyesight deterioration ... wait did i just say luckily? whaaatttt!  Ok it wasn't as bad as I expected, my vision now requires multifocal lenses so I can read the sign someone holds up in the car as they driving past saying things like "help me, my mum has grounded me for life"  or "if you can read this you're driving to close to me and can you get me a latte"... "or skydivers do it best, join the mile high club"...type thingies. Come to think of it, I should have just not bothered, having slightly blurry vision is nice, who needs life in ultra 4k HD???

it's too CLEAR!

So on saying that, keep posted, I'll do my best to stop piffilling around and get to the juicy stuff soon, in the mean time, take care of yourselves, be good to one another, try to post one positive thing you see, read or hear everyday .....and stop honking at me while I'm cycling!, makes me wobble terribly!
mwwaahhhh
Dx

Four walls and a window

One would have thought right, as the average common sensical person would, that I would have started blogging ages ago, right when the lockdown or self isolating started.  Where was my brain? Probably in twitter land getting myself worked up about the virus.

I had actually gone to Adelaide visiting my bff Miz P and going to the Fringe Festival there.  A first for me, flying since 2017 and the fringe. 

One of the tents at the Fringe that had some great shows

 It was during the last week that the seriousness of everything hit, I flew back after that to the Sunny Coast as I was concerned that they would shut borders down , (in fact they did 2 weeks after I returned.. phew) Just wanted to be with my kids.  A few days later, I asked myself why.. .. no really... ok ok WHY?

and I find selfies of my kids on my phone???

So there have been more "Zoom" parties and more online gaming
me:  "oi... keep it down" ( live music blaring from one room)
kids" "what ma...I'm in the middle of a game". (the other one doesn't respond)
me". I know, keep it down though, you're so loud!"
kids :" huh?.. wait I can't hear you, hold on.... *shouting to online players*  (live music still playing)
me : " I know you can't hear me,  turn the volume down!!!!
Kids: "gimmie 5 mins and I'll talk to you"
me: ".. what EVER".... *goes to watch Rupaul's drag race*. (noise cancelling headphones.. I love you)

I've gone through a load of seasons of some really banal crap on Netflix, I will never get that 1 hour and 50 mins back.  I've read countless e books, I think I need to go test my eyes... does cross eyed count for reading glasses? I've tended to me little backyard garden (am still having a battle with the ants and the grasshoppers) Grew my first pumpkin, and now have ordered more seeds to see how far I can go!

Talking about pumpkins, check this out.

can you see the strain in the wrists!

PUMPKIN CURRY... YUMZZZZ

Pretty proud of this. So I decided to start my videos again, as more people were leaving messages , this one is about making vegan curry with pumpkin. 

Leaving you with the link, drop me a line ,  always respond.  Have a great week ahead.
DX

A day in the life of Dodgy Daph

I was cleaning out my handbag as one does when transferring to another one and some cards fell out, stuck on the back of one of the cards was a post it with "liquid seaweed" , " liquid worm castings" written on it. I stuck out my tongue and made a face, uugghhhh WTH?  Ohh yes, On my quest to be less of a plant killer and more of a gardener I had attended a workshop on organic gardening... what?.. can't a girl have different hobbies?.. get off the floor it's not that far stretched, this is Australia , everything grows here.. fast, My kids, my hair,  friendships, the weeds....   Anyway where was I? oh yes, so back to the garden, we're about to go into summer, being in the Suthern Hemisphere and all that, the weather is hot, dry, we're experiencing tons of bush fires, and if you don't water yer plants everyday they go "byeee byeeeeeeeee.... I'm melting... poof!"  

I really tried.. I did

So amongst my many other bucket list items I've actually started to get a handle on the gardening malarkey, and to my kids astonishment I even watch gardening shows... if this is not a slide into old age I dont' know what is!  Oh oh I can feel the botanists and avid gardeners giving me the evils... it was just a self depreciating joke.. c'mon, don't get yer tomatoes in a twist. 

I do love Monty, he's such a chilled out character

Anyway moving along swiftly, I was in the backyard the other day about to water the plants and "insert special effect wing noises" a LOCUST flew off my plant and into my lemon balm .... I found if you spray water on it it flies off , the locust not the lemon balm...(I'm trying to not kill things ok.. cockroaches though dont have a chance)  I knew it was a locust because it was the LARGEST brown grasshopper type thingy I had ever seen .. and I asked Google ... she told me.. I'm good. 

Yes it's an Australian Plague Locust

It was really strange as it was one of the hottest days before the weather changed drastically and the next thing you know we've got hail the size of golf balls pinging down on us mere mortals.  Electricity went out, internet went out, drinks went out.. uh well we had to finish all the stuff in the fridge in case it went off... that's the truth and I'm sticking to it. You try sitting in the heat without any form of a cooling system, the only company is the neighbour's cat who's taken a sudden liking to your house and spends more time lounging in my sons room then in it's own dwelling, sweat trickling down yer nether regions with nothing to do but wait for everyone else to stop banging on each others door to see if the electricity is also out in their homes.  ohhhh I live a high paced and racy life I tell ya. 

Which brings me back to my point of the locusts, they really are the harbinger of bad news arent they, I even went online to see what part did they play in the eco system and guess what : 

"Native to Australia, the Australian plague locust is a grey, brown or occasionally 

green insect that can attack and destroy crops and pastures. Of all locusts in Queensland, it has the greatest economic impact because of the extent and frequency of outbreaks."... I must say though I did not kill the locust, I did find a few stray brown insecty almost could say locust like legs scattered here and there on my verandah.... the neighbour's cat hangs out there a lot... I wonder....

I look so cute and I also left a rat on your doorstep as a gift... purrrr

Look at me ma, I'm meditating!

Maroochydore Bushland Park

I was invited recently to a Meditation Retreat.  It was a whole day event.  I was really looking forward to it, as I had never been to one before and had no idea what to expect. The only hope was that "please please don't say we can't talk for the entire day!"  That would really be a challenge for me! 

It turned out to be an awesome day, it was a small group but I must say Chad Foreman  from  The Way of Meditation , who ran this meditation retreat was so good.  He clearly explained what and why and how and answered all the questions gently and believe me there were a lot of questions!  There were varying levels from beginners to seasoned meditation practitioners . Some had their own paraphernalia and others like me just rocked in with a water bottle and a coffee in hand! (I am always prepared!)  But when you get down to the basics, all you need is to "be there." (know what I mean)

Meditation Hall looking out to the rainforest

I have really come a long way in terms of meditation. I practice almost everyday.  I also try to attend a monthly group my SIL runs. I chat about different types of meditation with various friends who also have their favourites (I feel it also deepens our connection).  It's been an enlightening journey.

A few years back there would have been little possibility of me participating in such an event.   I would have fidgeted, fretted, wondered about my phone calls and messages, my thoughts would have been all over the place and I probably would have been internally grumbling about a numb bum!  I would have been self conscious, I would have wondered what others thought of me,  I would be judgmental in my perception of the others there.  I had left the house changing my blouse at the last minute as it was so hot and realised there was a small hole in it, the now Dx just looked at it and went "oh well", the Dx before would have panicked, run back, rummaged around for another blouse, probably making herself late, then feeling rushed and ... well you can see how that goes.

But perspectives change, after having cancer, after re shifting my priorities in life, it set me on a path to truly find myself, who I am now, what I'm really about. In the beginning it was a bit of self blame as to why I had cancer, what caused it, what was I doing in my life that brought me to such a devastating full stop.   I surprisingly found that I wanted to be more spiritual, that meditation had become easier for me, that being in tune with my inner self was no hardship.  I'm calmer, my anxiety has gone from a  10 to a subdued 2.  I'm hoping to bring that further down as well. 

I was asked to do a series of photos with my family fo the Hand, Heart , Pocket foundation who contributed a huge ammount of money to Bloomhill. 

I do not poo pooh (that is an actual word, it is!) practitioners of different spiritual healing.  I've actually embraced them, and experienced them for myself.  I understand the high stress I was living in was a huge factor in getting the dis-ease. I absolutely thank my psychologist for helping me with that.    Though my diet was not particularly bad (no no mcd's once a week was OK.. right.. LOL) I am more aware of what I'm putting into my body.  During cancer my body just reacted so badly to meat so now days I have a more pescatarian diet, however as my daughter is a Vegan, I've had to really push my creative cooking boundaries to incorporate meals that we can all eat and are nutritious and delicious. 

Vegetarian Food Spread

The one thing no one tells you about or discusses with you after having Cancer is "then what?" How do you get on with your life.  How do you alleviate your fears of every single lump, bump, ache that it's not the dreaded cancer reemerging?  How do you normalise your everyday living, what is normal now?  A lot of of survivors take a while to be able to physically get back to some level of fitness, the average length I think is two years.   To make friends again or to help your friends understand who you are now without too much damage to your relationships.    The answer is one day at a time,  to treat yourself with love and kindness, to understand your limitations.  For example I broke down in tears that I couldn't finish the final heat on the dragon boat races, my lungs and heart just couldn't cope and I could feel it.  In the beginning I was really upset with myself and my body which I felt had let me down but then I realised, hey a year ago I was lying in a hospital bed, bald, with tubes going in and out of my arms and back, hardly able to walk up  the stairs and now I'm upset because I couldn't complete the 3rd race of a 500 m sprint in a dragon boat?  My body is what brought me through all this, it has nourished me, it has kept me alive, it has held me up.  I am so grateful for what it has endured and how it continues to function.

more than a year after Cancer

I've also learned to love me.  And so I gave myself a gift.  I bought myself a road bike.  I don't push too hard, I slowly increase my time and distance and when I feel I can't and don't want to ride, I honour it and do a session of yoga instead.  That is life, it has a series of choices, all of them to make you live it to your full capacity.  (Just don't 'ask Annie how many times I've asked her to lend me her bike pump!!)

 I try to live every day in the present,  sometimes I forget, I start stressing about the usual thing, bills, medical,.. things! then I have to gather myself, do a small meditation of "Gladitude",   https://youtu.be/8dcxLHXyuAU  or call my daughter or chat with my son.  I pick myself up and start again.  You can too.